Helen Brown takes a whimsical look at what might happen if men took charge of Christmas Day celebrations…
You don’t have to be Santa’s little helper to know that these days, people tend to get incredibly stressed out by the whole Christmas carry-on.
Even if you love it and spend every minute sparkling, fizzing and having a roistering good time, it can be more than a little bit tiring trying to get everything and everyone! in the right place at the right time.
That’s a task without being seasonally sexist that tends to fall into the laps of women who order the turkey weeks in advance, write and post cards, do the present shopping, organise the meal(s) and generally find themselves rushing about like blue-bottomed flies trying to make everything work when it should. It doesn’t seem, even to the most enthusiastic husbands and fathers, to exert the same fascination or excite the same level of hectic “enjoyment”.
A recent survey, in fact, underlines the fact that in male eyes, if they were in charge of Christmas, it would all look very, very different.
Man and boy, the male of the species is more than a little “bah humbug!” about the ladies’ efforts to make it all go with a suitably cracker-style bang. More than a third of 2,000 gents questioned believe that their significant others, girlfriends, mums and female rellies in general make far too much fuss over those December days.
Of course, that also means that two thirds were probably warmly appreciative of the efforts put in to give everyone a good time for 66%, family is their main priority at this time of year but still, disgruntled chaps abound when it comes to the nuts and bolts of alleged festive fun. They reckon they can do it cheaper, quicker and with less stress. And probably, a lot less guilt than many women who feel they have to do everything from scratch rather than taking any helpful shortcuts!
A majority also claimed that they would make a much better job of managing the preparations but that they wouldn’t give themselves half so much hassle in the first place. Family traditions, it would seem, don’t come first with even the most dedicated family men if they mean everyone’s too stressed to enjoy themselves properly.
Christmas cards, for example, would be a thing of the past. Men wouldn’t send them, because it involves far too much time and effort. They wouldn’t go anywhere near crowded shops. Any presents bought (and there would be fewer of them all round!) would be bought ready gift-wrapped.
And they wouldn’t be so generous. I once heard a story about a man who asked his wife what she wanted for Christmas and she very unwisely replied: “Something I don’t have.”
Apparently she woke up on Christmas morning to find herself the proud possessor of a pineapple and an egg whisk. That may, I think, be taking it too far. It doesn’t take three wise men to work out the subsequent chances of domestic harmony on the other 364 days of the year.
Be that as it may, there are some who would turn out to be winners. Turkeys would be safe in their runs. A lot of the men in question would bypass the big bird in favour of either a takeaway or steak and chips.Victorian fatherThey would also come the Victorian father with their offspring and insist (!) that they helped more in the kitchen rather than leaving it up to the adults.
As for goodwill to all men, fine as far as it goes. But a lot of guys draw the line at visiting the in-laws. No outbreaks of peace on earth there, then . . .
Red Tractor Beef and Lamb is the company that commissioned the survey and enlisted the help of actor Will Mellor a father of two to encourage men to reveal what they really thought and what they thought ought to happen at Christmas. He’s definitely a prime example of the “do things a bit differently” brigade but not so differently when it comes to the things that really matter, like a slap-up festive feast on the day itself.
Will said: “Christmas is always fantastic in my house but, if I were in charge, celebrations would end up being very different. We’d have to have a proper Christmas dinner with all the trimmings but I’d definitely make the menu a bit simpler the rest of the time.
“On Boxing Day, I’d get a quick beef pie on the table to make sure I can play with the kids and have time to fit in some footie on the TV. The kids would still get great presents but they might end up with a few big ones to make the shopping and wrapping quicker and easier!”KitchenCooking is one area where a lot of men even in the era of Ramsay, Oliver and Fearnley-Whittingstall still seem keener for the woman in their life to take charge, even although half of women reckon they could do with more of a hand in the Christmas kitchen.
A lot of men revealed they have no confidence when it comes to Christmas cooking, partly because it is so specific, with not much room for manoeuvre. One in six said that previous criticism of their efforts had put them off for life!
Yet in spite of the claims that steak and chips rules and sprouts are toast, few of them would be prepared to do without roasties or kilted sausages. Not to mention stuffing!
As for the kids, it seems that, piles of pressies aside, what they really want for Christmas is time with Mum and Dad, brothers and sisters, grannies and grandpas. Time, it should be said, not slumped in front of the telly but playing traditional board games and quizzes.
And some radical dads of the takeaway brigade are going to be disappointed. According to research for Butlins, the holiday company, a huge number of kids love Christmas dinner with all the trimmings. Even sprouts.
Those turkeys obviously shouldn’t start counting their chickens just yet…