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The only thing uniform about the Commonwealth Games outfit is the condemnation

06/07/14
STIRLING UNIVERSITY
Team Scotland athletes (L/R) Scott White, Frania Gillen-Buchert, Lee Jones, Charline Joiner and Sean Lamont show off their new uniform for the opening ceremony of the Glasgow 2014 Commonwealth Games.
06/07/14 STIRLING UNIVERSITY Team Scotland athletes (L/R) Scott White, Frania Gillen-Buchert, Lee Jones, Charline Joiner and Sean Lamont show off their new uniform for the opening ceremony of the Glasgow 2014 Commonwealth Games.

It started with what I can only describe as a gargle of horror from the colleague who has the honour of sitting circa four yards behind me.

Not used to such cacophonous outbursts from a quietly efficient sub I wheeled round in my chair, fearing the noise could be the prelude to a hideous and painful death (obviously I wanted to ensure I was as far from the scene as possible should that be the case).

Thankfully, however, the sub in question was not ill. No, she had just stumbled across the Commonwealth Games parade outfit.

Hence the ungodly sound.

The condemnation spread around the newsroom like wildfire.

There were gasps of horror even outrage.

One colleague could be heard to bellow: “It’s like the manifestation of everything that went wrong in the 70s”.

An online poll was hastily arranged. Facebook sites were updated. Twitter was checked.

And so it rapidly became apparent just how widespread the horror was.

Many people declared they were, perhaps for the first time, ashamed to be Scottish.

Others found the whole thing hilarious.

Despite officials claiming the design was bold and contemporary (contemporary to what? Brigadoon?) most observers remain, to say the very least, skeptical.

But it’s OK, because the athletes love it. Honest. They haven’t just been told to say that. It’s genuine. They couldn’t be happier. It’s both stylish and iconic. In fact, the athletes cannot stress enough just how proud they will be to wear it. They really, really like it. Really.

And if you believe that, you probably really are the kind of person who thinks turning up to a major global sporting event in a Wm Low check-out assistant’s uniform from circa 1984 is a good idea. Mustard socks and all.