Finding her beloved husband had been trawling the internet for images of child abuse devastated a Fife woman.
“My world fell apart”.
A Fife mother-of-two reflects on the horrifying moment she was informed her husband had been arrested for downloading pornographic images of children.
The woman, who spoke to The Courier on condition that she was not identified, said her “blood ran cold” when the police delivered the news.
She revealed how “shock and disbelief gave way to anger and tears” as her family life was destroyed.
The woman’s husband appeared in court in Fife in August on two counts of downloading indecent images of children on his home computer. He pleaded guilty, was placed on the sex offenders register and was sentenced to unpaid work.
Speaking of the shock and confusion over what happened, she said: “My mind was racing with thoughts and concerns about why had he done this, the impact on our family, our future relationship and legal implications.
“I felt dejected, angry, hurt and betrayed. I spent days confined to my bedroom. I couldn’t bear to go out and just wanted to hide from reality.
“I was in so much despair I lost my appetite, had no energy and became very depressed. I was grieving in a sense for the loss of a husband that I always knew to be sensible, intelligent and trustworthy.
“The very nature of the crime dictates that you can’t just pick up the phone and confide to a close friend as perhaps you normally would.”
The woman said she was left with the painful task of having to tell their children.
“Family life changed dramatically,” she added. “The kitchen was once the hub of the house where we’d gather to exchange stories and gossip about the day’s events around the dinner table. The dinner table has since been abandoned.
“Photographs displaying family holidays became unbearable to look at as they were a cruel reminder of what was once a happy family unit.
“After my husband’s arrest I was given a booklet designed for relatives and friends of people under investigation for internet offences. There was a free phone helpline that enabled me to talk through my concerns and fears.
“The staff were able to answer questions pertinent to my situation. They also brought comfort when I was experiencing episodes of acute anxiety and despair.”
She went on: “Although my husband is full of remorse I have not forgiven him. But I do believe he is a decent person and is genuinely sorry for his behaviour.
“He has also engaged in therapy. This is not an attempt at mitigation.
“What he did was wrong and the court has punished him for that. The hurt brought on his family is a cross he has to bear.”
The woman said she had learned that people committing internet crimes enter into a world where they can become “detached from reality. Boundaries are crossed and a serious crime is committed”.
She added: “There can be no excuses and saying I didn’t realise I was doing any harm is an excuse and that person is in denial.
“It may appear that a child is consenting to have their image taken but viewers are deluding themselves if they believe the images portray the child as engaging willingly.”