We’ve always had a collie dog, mainly to help with the sheep – but like most farms the farm dog is a lot more than just an employee.
This is just as well because like most dogs on mixed family farms, they are not working with sheep every day so maybe they’re not always – how should I say it? – match fit!
I’m always in awe of those very clever collies that appear on the TV show One man and his dog.
I watch with great admiration as the well-trained hound runs away to the top of the field, brings down the sheep, splits the three that have ribbons round their necks then guides them all into a tiny pen in the middle of a 30-acre field.
All it seems the shepherd has to do is give a few whistles here and there while standing at the bottom of the field, then just shut the gate.
The shepherd always seems so calm. Even if the dog sometimes makes a wrong move, he or she never seems to lose it.
There’s certainly no bad language – mind you it is on BBC Alba so they might be swearing and I wouldn’t notice.
Perhaps though, to gain more competitors, they should have a kind of lower league standard of sheep dog trials so that ordinary farmers like myself could enter.
Maybe it needs the PR people who have revamped the sport of darts to give sheepdog trials a shake-up.
For a start, every pair should have their own walk-on music and their own nicknames written in diamonds across the back of a body warmer.
“Now entering the field it’s the Whistle Man with snoop bitch – and Born Slippy by Underworld playing through the sound system.”
Perhaps some of the crowd would be wearing those giant foam hands while ordering a tray of lagers.
As well as herding some sheep, part of the course should be to catch a rat, header a football, chase the postie van before sitting in the burn for a minute to cool off then running off to the nearby village because a bitch is in heat.
The shepherd should also be allowed to rattle a bag of feed to lure the sheep in.
If this was the case, me and my old dog Mitch would have been well in with a shout of lifting the trophy.
As I mentioned at the beginning the “ferm dug” is so much more than a valued member of staff.
For a start they are always cheery and delighted to see you, they are great listeners and never answer back, and in these dreich January days they’re a great companion for so many farmers that work and live alone.
In fact to call them employee is harsh; they are family, and like all family members they may make you tear your hair out now and then, and do some really stupid things, but at the end of the day you would be lost without them – because you love them.
