It has been a tough year in many ways but fear not – I have a solution to all our problems for 2017: We need the voice of Sir David Attenborough piped into our daily lives.
As my regular reader knows, I am very partial to a soothing voice over the airwaves, particularly the Shipping Forecast and Gardeners’ Question Time, despite having no interest in either ships or gardens.
I now add Sir David to that list, as I have been listening to Planet Earth II as an aid to reducing stress levels.
Not watching, just listening. Due to my general mistrust of wildlife and nature, I started from a disadvantage but gave the programme a chance.
Unfortunately, the levels of brutality and suspense were too disturbing for my delicate constitution but the voiceover makes me believe everything will always be all right in the end. We need to harness the power of this voice for global good – and not just on an environmental level.
Imagine how much more comforting and soothing a trip to busy shops at this time of year would be if instead of festive tunes blasting out, Sir David’s dulcet tones were chuntering on in the background, with his particular brand of breathless wonder and calm authority.
Just think of the reduction in blood pressure among the travellers on public transport if tannoys featured Sir David reading out the announcements about delays. Well, maybe that’s a step too far… but you get the idea.
I could have done with a soothing voice recently when my sat-nav was on the blink as I tried to find my way to the middle of nowhere for an important meeting.
I would have been less frazzled when I eventually arrived if I hadn’t had to put up with the snotty voice declaring “recalculating” every few seconds, no matter which way I drove.
Very bad words were directed at the sat-nav, which I wouldn’t have dared if it had been Sir David.
Maybe I can get an Attenborough voiceover for the new version. Is there time to amend my list to Santa?
