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The zombie apocalypse has been cancelled until further notice

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I was told a story this week, which may be true, but may not. It sounded depressingly feasible to me, but you can make up your own mind.

The tale goes that on a bus taking holidaymakers from airport to resort, a man had the misfortune to suffer a seizure. Luckily, a nurse was present to help, lying the chap in the passageway, loosening his clothing and cushioning his head.

However, upon seeing the muscle twitches that accompanied the fit, four men in their early 20s jumped to their feet and attempted to break out the back window of the bus. They were hastily dissuaded from this by the driver and holiday rep, but remained in a highly agitated state until the stricken man, by then mostly recovered, was helped from the bus by paramedics.

The nurse who assisted the man found herself in the same holiday complex as the window-kickers and, a few days later, asked why they had acted so strangely.

They had thought the man’s unfortunate seizure was “the start of a zombie apocalypse”. They’d seen a film in which a “zombie” had made staccato noises and exhibited tics and twitches similar to those they had seen on the bus.

Two of the lads worked together installing solar panels, one was a restaurant deputy manager. The fourth was studying accounting and finance. They weren’t idiots. But they believed zombies were real.

Films are made to look convincing by clever cinematographers and inventive special effects. It is called “fiction”. Surely no one really thinks Batman is a true story, or Jurassic Park, or that Harry Potter flies his broomstick in the clouds? If people are unable to differentiate between reality and Hollywood fantasy, then humanity is in worse fettle than I’d thought.

The antidote to such naïve gullibility is to be aware of what is going on. The best way to achieve this is to do what you are doing at this moment: read newspapers.

The need for responsible, well-researched news has never been more acute. When some dunce declares “fake news” you will know, if you read proper political analysis, that this chap is a deceiver. Indeed, balanced knowledge of what goes on in the world will allow you to make reasoned judgements on all subjects, and to filter firm fact from fanciful fiction.

Read newspapers. Or scream “wah-wah, save me mummy” if you see someone twitch on a bus. Your choice.


Word of the week

Aestival (adjective)

Belonging to or appearing in summer. EG: “An aestival haze hung over the dried-out land . . . where the zombies roamed to and fro.”


Read the latest Oh my word! every Saturday in The Courier. Contact me at sfinan@dctmedia.co.uk