The Tokyo 2021 Olympics have now finished but not before bringing many brilliant revelations with them.
The Olympics cemented a few things for me both regards my age and my physical prowess. Age wise, I was merrily meandering along feeling just fine aged 45 years.  I love where we live, am happily married, and have three great kids.
Mid-forties life is indeed good. HOWEVER, since watching the Olympics, I’d be lucky to claim I am any age other than old and out of touch.
The Olympics evolution
I have not kept up with the comprehensive evolution showcased by this year’s Olympics.
After 13-year-old Sky Brown absolutely nailed her Bronze Medal win for GB’s skateboarding crew, I wonder if I would have been the parent moaning about how much time the kids wasted at the skate park rather than encouraging them to nurture their talent?
Then we had speed climbing. As someone who believes getting upstairs without stopping to catch breath half way up is an achievement, this was positively mesmerising. Do I want to try it? Absolutely, categorically not, no thank you.
So, skateboarding, surfing, karate, sport climbing this turn and Paris 2024 is going to bring with it Olympic Breakdancing.
Get my ticket booked right now, shell suit and high tops looked out. Does anyone know if my boombox get through as hand luggage or will I need to check it in?
The pressure, the pressure…
I really felt for all the Olympians, win, or lose. The effort they expend, and the emotions involved. Smashing through personal bests, they break world records, and win medals meanwhile I’m over here all excited because I found my missing sock inside a pair of my jeans.
Then, one moment after finishing their gargantuan task, some overly enthusiastic sports reporter asks them to describe their experience from beginning to end.
For crying out loud, please can we let them catch their breath for a second. Surely, they can be left for a second before having to relive it in minute detail?
Not a drop out of place
Can we talk about the Olympic synchronised swimming teams? Full faces of makeup, perfect hair, strictly come dancing worthy costumes, effortless entry into the water and not a single stray splash. Utterly fascinating.
I barely survived years of taking the kids to their swimming lessons. There was not one thing effortless or graceful about them and I almost wept with relief when they finished.
And those gymnasts? Simply amazing, including a fabulous lady from Uzbekistan competing at the age of 46. 46!?! These days I’m just happy to get my leg through my knickers without falling over.
So, what would be my Olympic sport? What could I possibly be considered worthy to compete in, where could I excel?
Eye-rolling Olympics anyone?
The kids can eye rolls like champs, the mister is a gold medal winning phone scroller.
I could be a dry shampooer? Seeing how long I get away with not washing my hair is my version of extreme sport.
Or a world class multitasker? I am so good at it these days, I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time.
My version of endurance training is having the stamina to withstand the physical pain caused by holding in my sarcasm.
Olympic-scale teenage meltdown
We must remember not to overdo training. As demonstrated by the Olympic scale teenage meltdown earlier tonight when, after a long day of playing video games and having meals made for her, she was asked to walk the dogs. Worthy of a seat at Mount Olympus.
I doubt very much if I’d qualify for the Olympian ‘Motherhood’ podium. In my defence I’m at a disadvantage, two kids is two kids but three is more like sixteen.
Next week could be my qualifying stage for the ‘Parenting Olympics.’
Having not done the morning routine in a really REALLY long time, we may have to get up about five hours earlier than they’ve become used to.
The back-to-school triathlon
A ‘back to school’ triathlon event could include the dreaded school shoe shop, the battle of the lunch box compromise and, of course, the bus stop sprint finish.
Patience and strength to all parents of teenagers heading back to school.
Perhaps we should team up rather than thinking of it as an individual event, I’ll happily share my slip stream with you, maybe then it might be just great.
