If I didn’t have kids, I think I’d be bored of parents talking about the difficulties of home schooling.
How hard can it be? I’d wonder as I scrolled through social media posts from mums wondering if it was too early to pour the first glass of wine at 9.38am.
But it is actually rather tricky.
I’ve not handed this column in anywhere near on time since home schooling restarted.
Or styled my hair. Or worn any presentable combination of clothes. Or applied make-up.
Apart, that is, from the odd day I’ve filmed for work – because frankly no one wants to look at the lockdown version of me.
But the norm is being at home and so each day I wake and think: How hard can it be?
Today, I will be calm. I will savour every moment with my children. Nothing about a day of classes and homework can be that hard.
Then this happens: Three children take turns to say things like and including: “I’m hungry… Can I have a Fab ice lolly for breakfast?… How many lessons today?… Why not?… Ok, ok, ok, I’m coming…Why did Freddie Mercury have to die? It’s not fair… I’m hungry… Is a beetle an invertebrate?… Can we go to a zoo soon?… When will coronavirus go? Can we have a play date with someone? Anyone?… I can’t remember what the teacher said to do… Is God a real person?”
And I say things like and including: “No, you’ll get black teeth… Have Weetabix… Come down for your lesson… Quick… Now… Put on clothes – they’ll see you… Please, just one more piece of homework…Ok, a Fab for breakfast if you just do it. Again? Seriously? Do you have worms?… Two minutes – mummy has to reply to an email… There’s crumbs all over the sofa… Get down from there… what’s your password again?… Sorry… I love you… I just cleaned that… Yes we might get a pet one day… Yes, I know everyone seems to have a puppy now… I know I should have finished my column when you went to bed last night…Hold on, I’m just Googling invertebrate… You are kidding me – there’s no ink in the printer. Seriously? Now? Huh?.’ No you can’t have a cow.”
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The teachers are working hard. They’re amazing.
I’m not.
But then I think about it and meltdowns (child and adult) aside, I often love it.
They’ll be grown all too soon and one day, we might just look back and ache for the days we had them all day, every day to ourselves for months on end.
I mean, it will take until 2043 to think that way, but it might happen.
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