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TellyBox: Celebrity Crystal Maze

From left: Carol Vorderman, Rick Edwards, Gemma Collins, James Argent and Ellie Taylor.
From left: Carol Vorderman, Rick Edwards, Gemma Collins, James Argent and Ellie Taylor.

It wasn’t easy for Rebecca to see ‘The GC’ rudely intrude on one of her favourite shows, not to mention the self-proclaimed ‘genius’ making a certain decision that most likely had even Carol Vorderman totally baffled…

Here’s a question: What do you get if you cross a Gemma “The GC” Collins with James “Arg” Argent, Carol Vorderman, comedian Ellie Taylor and presenter Rick Edwards? The collective noun for this group of so-called “celebs” may be “a broken tellybox”, but sadly that’s not the answer (though at some points I wish it had been).

No, this lot and Carol Vorderman make up the first team to compete in the new series of Channel 4’s Celebrity Crystal Maze, which aired yesterday.

The Crystal Maze Presenter Richard Ayoade.

And guess who was chosen as the team captain? Correct. Gemma. Collins.
If you’ve been reading my Tellybox columns since the start, all the way back to January, you’ll probably have read about how thrilled at life I am by seeing Gemma Collins on my tellybox.

Dancing On Ice I could put up with because it was only about her for a short while and allowed me to go and have a well-deserved cup of tea for a few minutes. But for her to intrude on one of my favourite shows like this, especially in such an overly obnoxious way, is just plain rude.

At the start of this first episode of the new season of Crystal Maze, presenter Richard Ayoade asked Gemma how she’d become – god help us – team captain. But of course, it was only herself who had voted.

“I’ve always been a leader. And today we made the decision in 0.2 seconds,” she replied. Not sure what she’s meant to have led, but to have a legend and mathematical genius such as Carol Vorderman on your team and not choose her is just bordering on ridiculous.

From left: Carol Vorderman, Rick Edwards, Gemma Collins, James Argent and Ellie Taylor.

But it soon became clear that GC was a bad choice for leadership, even if she was self-selected.

She screamed at her team members whenever she failed her task, claiming it was their fault. She left the boys locked in their challenge rooms because they had “disrespected” her.

She said things such as “I am a leader and an achiever for a reason”, “I’ve got the mind of a genius” and “I have the skillset and mindset that many others don’t”. She put herself forward for a physical challenge because she was on Dancing On Ice for “seven or eight months”.

The only people to get locked in after their challenges were Rick and Arg, and quite frankly, they got lucky.

Had I been an unfortunate contestant on this episode I’d have “accidentally” got locked in too, just so I didn’t have to listen to the nonsense spouting out of the team leader’s mouth.

The only saving grace was a comment by Arg, allegedly Gemma’s life partner, who said to Richard Ayoade while she was in the middle of a challenge, “If she gets locked in, it might be a good thing for the team”.

At least that’s it over with and I never have to see her rudely intrude on a good programme again. I hope.