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MARY-JANE DUNCAN: Thoughts on love, all the kinds, and cereal

Valentine's Day in MJ's house - family noticeboard style.
Valentine's Day in MJ's house - family noticeboard style.

Boo to all you Valentines haters.  I am here for every last minute of it.  To me, there is nothing better than celebrating people we love, to make those we love happy?

Maybe it’s because I am married to the best man in the world, BUT his lack of romantic skills may well be his only flaw and I’m okay with that.

He’ll order extra chips because he knows I’m going to eat his, even though I said I wasn’t hungry.  That kind of realisation is more important than roses.

Whole lot of love

Is it possible to be in love with more than one person?  I say yes!  Is there another I want to cohabit and have children with?  No.

But I’ve got a whole lot of love for a whole lot of people and I believe the mister is okay with that.   By merrily sharing me with the other loves in my life, his ears get a rest and as a man who enjoys peace and quiet, he’s grateful for it.

Valentine card, Mary-Jane style.

Make no mistake, if himself rocks up here with Kylie on his arm suggesting an open marriage, there will be words had.  As soon as I’ve got her autograph, a selfie and begged her to join my girl gang, he’ll be reminded of my selfish lack of willingness to share.

Ms Minogue will be enthusiastically introduced to all these souls I love. The ones who fill my life and, even if they aren’t close geographically, walk alongside me, keeping close. Making my cheeks hurt with laughter.  Sharing in joy and helping me swim if I’m drowning in sorrow.

They help me celebrate or hold my heart when I need to grieve.  And, when I am only able to put myself down, they carry me and stand up for me when I can’t.

Marriages of friendship

They are marriages of friendship, commitments without ceremony or rings.  Soulmates without limitation or obligation.

What an amazing thing these women are.  Helping create a wonderful life full of memories through every love story told by each friendship.  I’m confident Kylie will love it and settle right into this merry mob.

My actual Valentine’s Day was spent with us both working from home.  We shared the box of Maltesers, like a modern day, post-Covid version of Lady and the Tramp, a future box office hit I am sure.

He’s kind enough not to mention I’ve had more than my fair share, he did buy them for me after all.

He’s also kind enough not to ask where his card is, knowing I bought it a few weeks ago and put it somewhere safe so I wouldn’t forget.  I have, naturally, since forgotten.

There is a reason we have so many unsent declarations of love in our ‘card box’.  You think I’d learn.

My brilliant troupe

While lucky enough to be here with him, my thoughts turn to my magnificent Galantines.  I can’t help but feel a little sad.

My brilliant troupe currently enduring so many trials and tribulations. None with an easy solution.

One coping with a chronically ill child.  Another the care of elderly parents.  One awaiting the arrival of a much longed for baby, another having just lost one.

One under the threat of redundancy and another navigating a gruelling separation with a despicable ex.

One pedalling so hard to save her business, the wheels are at risk of coming off and trampling her mental health as they roll.

With love, and cereal

If asked, they’ll all just proclaim they’re ‘fine’ through fear of causing worry or being a burden.  Or declare they’re looking for something positive every day, even if they’re having to look a little harder for now.

I’ll help in the only ways I know how.  Without a ‘live, laugh love’ t shirt in sight, I’ll ask them not to waste time being mad at themselves for feeling exhausted; or for crying or not having the energy to do everything.  To stop being hard on themselves.  To remind them all of it is incredibly hard.

They are doing okay and if we’re walking together on a path through hell, we’ll walk as if we own the place.

If all that fails, we’ll eat cereal, because cereal never lets you down, and send each other cute puppy memes while saying ‘this made me think of you’.

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