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My Dundee Pride: My family disowned me and I’ll be killed if I go home – but it’s worth it to be here, happy and myself

Nmesoma Paul is a Dundee University masters' student who narrowly escaped persecution and death in his native Nigeria, where being gay is illegal. Now, he's celebrating his first Pride Month in Dundee.

Paul was persecuted back in Nigeria for being who he is - now he's here in Dundee, ready to celebrate Pride. Image: Kim Cessford/DC Thomson.
Paul was persecuted back in Nigeria for being who he is - now he's here in Dundee, ready to celebrate Pride. Image: Kim Cessford/DC Thomson.

There’s no such thing as Pride in Nigeria. It’s something you only get to see on Instagram, online.

It’s illegal to be gay back home. For me, a gay man, that made life horrendous.

I was scared my whole life. You’re always hiding, pretending to be who you’re not. It’s like being a shadow of yourself, there’s no happiness.

If you’re meeting someone that’s gay in Nigeria, it has to be secret. You can’t walk on the streets holding a fellow man on the hands or being romantic, it cannot happen.

Last year, I fixed a date with a guy, went to meet him and he wasn’t who he said he was.

I got ganged up on, they put something over my head and put me in a car. I was driven to somewhere I don’t know.

Nmesoma Paul is studying a Masters in Education at Dundee University. Image: Mhairi Edwards/DC Thomson.

They took off the blindfold and there was just 50 scary men surrounding me. Voices you don’t ever want to hear in your life.

They get you to admit first of all that you are gay, and then they want to extort money from you. They strip you naked, beat you, take pictures and videos.

And if you are not able to come up with the money on the spot or say something that satisfies what they want, they kill you where you stand. They beat you to death.

Nobody asks questions.

They asked me for an amount of money I did not have. I had to get out alive so I had to negotiate with them and convince them to give me time to come up with the money.

They got access to private pictures of me and private conversations.

Nmesoma Pau at his first Pride event, Slessor Gardens, Dundee, 15th June 2024. Image: Kim Cessford / DC Thomson.

They said that if I did not come up with the money, they would sent the pictures and conversations to my family.

They gave me two weeks to come up with the money. Luckily I’d already put in my application for my student visa, as I am studying education at Dundee University.

They blindfolded me and put me back in the van, I still don’t know where I had been. They dropped me off somewhere where I could find my way home.

Then back home, my visa came in. I practically ran to the airport.

‘My father said he would kill me himself’

Two weeks after I arrived here, they figured out I wasn’t around. Obviously they were expecting the money, expecting the call, but it never came. So they called me.

And they told me I should make sure I never come back. That the day I step my feet in Nigeria, that will be the end of me.

They sent the videos and conversations to my parents. My dad called, and that was it. He told me I’m an embarrassment, I bring shame, I’m not his son. He disowned me.

Paul is all kitted out for his first ever Pride in Dundee. Image: Kim Cessford / DC Thomson.

He said I should not call for anything and that if I ever came back, he would kill me himself.

It is horrific, and I’m not the only one in this situation. I’m lucky enough to have left. But there’s still people going through that right now. The world should know this is happening.

‘It’s not that I feel I can be myself – I am myself’

Being gay is not something I can change. Had I not come here, who know what would have happened?

Now I’m here, I have I’ve met Kenny Christie from Dundee Pride and others via the Dundee University LGBTQ+ society, where I’m the secretary. It’s been nice.

It’s not that I feel like I can be myself – I am myself.

Nmesoma Paul with trustee of Dundee Pride, Kenny Christie. Image: Mhairi Edwards/DC Thomson.

I have to keep going. I want to build my life here. But the downside is having to lose my family. They will do as my father says. I call, no one picks up.

If this is the direction I have to go in life, I have to say it’s worth it.

I’m here, I’m happy – I’m alive.

Dundee Pride takes place on June 15-16 2024. Tickets are free and can be booked via the organisation’s website.

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