Kiri Stone was pregnant with her second daughter when her relationship with the father of her children unexpectedly ended.
It was 2020, the country was in lockdown, and the 32-year-old from Cupar found herself grappling with a new identity.
She was now a single mum.
Initially, it was tough.
‘I felt triggered by other families as a new single mum’
For a while, it was hard to leave the house without feeling “triggered” by nuclear families.
“I found seeing full families upsetting and I would have to contain my emotions,” Kiri says.
“I felt sad that my kids don’t have that.”
Kiri, is mum to Yana, four, and Tove, two.
But she soon adapted to her new normal, with friends helping her through the transitional period.
She carved out a support network through the launch of Wild Fife Babies, a baby group which brought together like-minded parents keen to engage their youngsters in nature.
“I think that is really important being a single parent, having good friends around,” Kiri says.
Kiri launched business – but financial pressures mean she is still on benefits
Kiri then turned her attention to making money.
Returning to her previous job as a countryside ranger, a role which required her to work unsociable hours, was not an option as a single mum.
Forced to think outside the box, her small business, Woodswoman, was born.
It sees her run workshops for children and adults in the woods, with activities including bush craft and wood whittling.
She also sells jewellery made from sycamore and bark on her online Etsy store.
Despite her entrepreneurial efforts, Kiri says it is “difficult” to raise two children on one income.
She has had to rely on universal credit to get by.
She is not alone. A survey by One Parent Families Scotland in 2022 found that 78% of single parents are in work and the same percentage receive a social security benefit.
Almost all – 97.9% – of the 260 participants polled said they felt the impact of rising costs.
‘It is a lot for one person’
Another key challenge of being a single mum is carrying the “mental load” by herself.
“There is so much to think about; food shops, clothing, when they have nursery, when they’ve got dentists appointments, doctor appointments, parties-”
She stops herself.
“I just want to make sure they are as involved as other kids.
“It is a lot to have on one person’s shoulders. There is no let up.”
It is also hard to find alone time as a single parent.
Although the girls spend every second weekend with their dad, who Kiri has a “good relationship” with, she says she often spends this time “catching up on everything I’m not doing when they’re here”.
“I think that weekend I have to myself, it goes in a flash. I find that very difficult,” she says.
“I don’t have any time to myself.”
Navigating traditional holidays can be difficult too.
Kiri is currently bracing herself to spend her first Christmas without Yana and Tove, who will be with their dad.
She says: “It is quite terrifying.
“[Holidays] are very emotional times.
“I was breastfeeding up until last year so I always had to have them with me a lot.
“This is the first year where things may change and look a bit different.
“And that’s a bit scary. But, all change is.”
Why single mum Kiri feels empowered by her role
On top of the physical, emotional and financial pressures, single parents still face stigma and social exclusion.
Thankfully, Kiri says this isn’t something she has had to deal with.
In fact, she feels empowered by her role.
She says: “Stigma is still there but I have always been very vocal about being a single parent with most people I meet, so I think my attitude comes across in a positive way.
“I feel quite empowered by it and I think that changes peoples’ mindsets a bit.”
She believes that the stigmatisation of single parents has reduced since Covid, which saw a spike in divorce rates.
“I don’t think stigma is completely gone but I think [being a single parent] is more common now, especially after lockdown.
“A lot of people became single parents because a lot of relationships were put under strain.
“If someone is newly into becoming a single parent I feel proud to be someone who is doing it successfully and feels empowered by it.”
‘Freedom comes with parenting exactly how you wish’
What does she tell those who are new to the role?
“It gets easier, it becomes your new normal, the first year will be hard to adjust but you can do it,” she says.
“And freedom comes with parenting exactly how you wish and not having to navigate different parenting styles with someone else.”
This is just one aspect of being a single mum that she adores.
She also loves that her girls are growing up with a positive “strong woman” role model.
Kiri says: “I know that what I do offer them is unique and it means I try harder.
“I have to be a strong woman.
“I have to do things a lot with the car, which I wouldn’t normally do if I’m in a relationship with a guy.
“I’ll put my hands up, I normally ask them to do that kind of stuff, but for the last five years I have been doing it all.
“And my girls see that.”
And Yana and Tove don’t miss out on holidays.
Kiri, who has always loved travelling, has found ways to travel with her kids on a budget.
This year alone they have visited friends in Spain and in the Czech Republic.
Kiri says: “It is an absolute mission, I am not going to lie.
“The airport, flying, running from one gate to another – with a two-year-old and a four-year old and all the bags.
“It definitely feels like an adventure with them both.”
She adds that Single Parent Festivals, a Dundee project which offers week-long holidays for one parent families, is another a great option.
‘We feel like a little power team’
Being a single mum has also strengthened her bond with Yana and Tove.
Kiri says: “They are so young but they pick up on my emotions and it feels like they support me as much as I support them.
“We feel like a little power team.
“That is what I like about it.”
- Is your family a little bit different? Email poppy.watson@dcthomson.co.uk to share your story
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