Just over a year ago Diane Maxfield was so lonely and isolated she felt suicidal.
She suffers from agoraphobia, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and autism and struggled to leave her home in Dundee’s Kirkton area.
But since picking up the phone and asking for help she has built an incredible friendship with Cheryl Banks which has transformed her life.
The pair go on outings, such as to Camperdown Park, they pool or visit an ice-cream parlour.
And Diane, 50, says: “It’s turned my life around
“I have achieved so much that I’m proud of myself. And I’m never usually proud of myself.
“I can look back on the last year and say I’ve had a good year and that’s never happened before.”
Shortly before contacting Dundee-based Silver Lining befriending service Diane was diagnosed with autism and was, as she says, really struggling.
She found it mentally and physically difficult to leave the home she shares with her mum Betty Copland and cockapoo Teddy.
How Diane met Cheryl
She says: “I was really low and suicidal.
“I needed to do something or I was going to end up a hermit, a recluse.”
Diane had seen Silver Lining advertised and worked up the courage to call.
Founder Katie O’Leary went to meet her, and paired her with one of her eight-strong team, Cheryl.
When they were introduced Cheryl told Diane all about herself and Diane says: “Straight away there was this deep, spiritual connection between Cheryl and I.
“Especially when she said she loves Elvis too.”
Together they made a list of what Diane wanted to do and to achieve. This was both fun activities and what Diane refers to the as the “boring, old serious life skills”!
“Just trying to get out and about is a huge struggle for me,” says Diane.
Their first outing
“But we went to the ten-pin bowling. That’s a huge sensory overload for me but we went in and just did arcade games and I managed.
“We’ve been a couple of times now.”
They also play pool and get quite competitive. Diane jokes: “Katie tells me I have to beat Cheryl!”
Diane also now has a second befriender, who she has also hit it off with, Kelly Doogan.
They’ve been to Glamis Castle and gone antique shopping.
Diane says: “My confidence and my self-esteem have gone up. I would never have dreamed of doing things like these before.”
As well being a friend and taking her on outings, Cheryl helps Diane build skills to live independently, such as budgeting, cooking and healthy eating.
The ‘boring lifeskills’
She’s helped her clear out her bedroom, earning her the nickname from Diane of Mary Poppins.
“I’m a bit of a hoarder,” says Diane, “so we gutted my room. Did I love that experience? No, I did not love that experience!”
When Diane’s mum went to America for three weeks, Cheryl, Katie and Kelly checked in on her regularly in their own time, knowing being left alone was a big challenge.
Diane approached The Courier to tell us her story to raise awareness of Silver Lining. She also wants to encourage people in a similar place to where she was to reach out.
“Social isolation and loneliness can happen to anyone at any time and at any age,” she says.
“I can’t say enough what an amazing and wonderful service Silver Lining is.”
Expressing her joy in meeting Cheryl, Katie and Kelly, she says: “They’re not just my befrienders they really are friends.”
For the first time, Diane is looking to the future.
“We have a lot of plans. I’m into crystals and there’s a crystal shop in St Andrews I would like to go to. There’s a Highland cow experience that Cheryl has found.
“I want to do more in nature and with parks and trees. I’ve picked a tree we’re going to keep an eye on throughout the year.
“And then there’s the serious boring life skills! The budgeting, my room, which is still a work in progress.”
What their friendship means to Cheryl
Their friendship has also been life-changing for Cheryl.
She says: “It’s a two-way street, Diane brings so much to my life.
“She has taught me so much about myself.
“She’s smart, she’s articulate, she has so much to offer this world.
“It’s rewarding to see someone blossom like she has.
“We did hit it off straight away. We have a lot of the same likes; we’re both quite spiritual, we both love nature and looking at alternative ways to help us in our lives.”
Cheryl, a former care home manager, says: “My mantra has always been don’t be put off by the labels we give people, look at the human being they are.
‘What I found was a very beautiful human’
“It doesn’t matter if they have autism, mental health issues, OCD, cancer, dementia.
“That’s the approach I took when meeting Diane.
“What I found was a very beautiful human being.”
When they’re not on outings, Cheryl helps Diane work through a checklist of tasks to build her life skills and equip her for the future.
She says: “With a bit of nagging and a bit of bossing, as she puts it, we do get there!”
And on some visits, they just talk, mulling over thoughts, feelings, fears, ambitions.
Cheryl says: “Diane is going through a lot and it can be quite daunting, quite scary, but no matter what we always find an opportunity to have a giggle.
“And that’s the best medicine for anyone.”
What is Silver Lining?
And there are plenty of giggles.
Katie says: “There’s certainly never a dull moment with Diane; she has the best sense of humour!”
The change in Diane’s outlook since they met in March last year delights her.
She says: “When you hear how Diane was last year to how she is now, it’s very rewarding.
“We just need to work on those life skills!”
Katie, a former support worker, established Silver Lining two years ago after becoming increasingly worried about the impact of social isolation during Covid lockdown.
The organisation provides befriending and support to combat isolation, aid independence and ease pressure on carers.
Katie says: “As we say to Diane, we’re not experts in autism but we’re nice people and we can be a friend.
“And that’s the most important thing.”
Conversation