While Christmas can be a magical time for a lot of families for Arbroath mum Kate Miller it will always be tinged with sadness.
This is because six years ago next month, her only daughter passed away when she was just eight years old.
Yet despite the pain of missing Cally with each year that passes, Kate will always be grateful for the special memories she was able to make with her at a Kinross children’s hospice before she died.
The 41-year-old will forever be thankful to the staff at Rachel House – run by Children’s Hospices Association Scotland (CHAS) – for giving her support when she needed it most.
“We were lucky enough to enjoy two Christmas stays with Cally at Rachel House,” Kate says.
“Going there always made me feel like getting a warm hug.
“The nurses and all the staff go out of their way to make Christmas the most special time for all the children staying there.
“They also make it memorable for their siblings, parents and other family members.
“The last Christmas we spent there, Cally and I were made such a fuss of and given lovely presents to open with all the other families.”
She adds: “When she died I was heartbroken.
“But if it hadn’t been for the staff at Rachel House, I don’t think I would have got through it.”
Now, because of the support she was given from CHAS, the Arbroath mum is backing the charity’s 2024 Christmas appeal which launched earlier this month.
The annual festive campaign aims to secure much needed donations that will give the gift of time and precious memories to the families of dying children.
How a tragic accident changed Cally’s life
Cally was first referred to Rachel House a year after she had a life-changing accident.
She was found unconscious in a pool on holiday in Spain when she was just four years old.
Cally remained in a coma and was kept for weeks in Spanish hospitals before being flown back to Scotland for treatment in Edinburgh and then Dundee’s Ninewells Hospital.
The tragedy left the healthy youngster brain damaged and wheelchair-bound with quadriplegic cerebral palsy.
She was also unable to talk and had to be tube-fed.
Cally spent the next whole year in various hospitals with her mum by her side.
And Kate ended up becoming Cally’s full-time carer.
The mum-of-one said: “I was happy to care for my beautiful girl.
“But as she could no longer smile, talk or walk as she had before, it was as if she was locked inside her body which was heart-breaking.”
After nine months of giving Cally 24-hour care at home in Arbroath all on her own, Kate was exhausted.
And this was when CHAS stepped in to offer home care and respite visits to Rachel House.
“I was so grateful for the support,” Kate says.
“The CHAS at home visits were fantastic.
“The girls were so lovely and would take Cally on walks, to the cinema or do sensory activities with her.
“They became like part of our family.”
Entering the hospice for the first time
Kate admits she initially feared walking into the hospice.
But the staff soon put her mind at ease.
“I didn’t want to think about going to a place that was about saying goodbye to Cally,” she explains.
“But, as soon as we walked through the doors we were greeted with warm smiles and we felt at home.
“We instantly felt happy there and it became our safe place.
“It became somewhere to make the most special memories together.”
Cally and Kate enjoyed many respite visits to Rachel House.
And their last one was in December 2018.
Shortly after that visit, Cally became unwell and was admitted to Ninewells Hospital in Dundee where she died a few days later.
Kate says: “I was devastated and hysterical with grief. I just could not come to terms with what had happened.
“Thankfully one of the nurses from Rachel House came to the hospital to be with me.
“And she helped to make arrangements for Cally to be transferred to Rachel House.”
How did CHAS help Arbroath mum Kate process her grief?
Cally was wrapped in her favourite Disney blanket and taken to the Rainbow Room at Rachel House.
Staff then helped Kate to arrange her daughter’s funeral which took place on December 18 – just seven days before Christmas.
“They looked after me the whole way through it all.
“Staff also helped me arrange for a hand cast of both mine and Cally’s hands to be made to show we will be forever holding hands.
“And they placed locks of Cally’s hair in a little card, tied with a beautiful bow for me to give family members.
“One of the team also pleated her hair on the day of her funeral, just the way she liked it.
“They thought of everything.”
Supporting the CHAS Christmas appeal
Kate, who has made lots of friends with other parents through CHAS, continues to receive bereavement support from the charity.
“I will forever be grateful to the hospice staff who carried me through my grief and gave me the strength I needed to say goodbye to Cally.”
She added: “I hope as many people as possible donate to the CHAS Christmas Appeal so that even more families can make wonderful memories together, just as Cally and I did.”
Donate to CHAS’s 2024 Christmas Appeal.
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