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San Fran’s a Bay City Roller

The Golden Gate Bridge taken from the gardens on Alcatraz Island.
The Golden Gate Bridge taken from the gardens on Alcatraz Island.

Following the launch of several low-cost flights to San Francisco, the Californian city is ideal for a breathtaking break, says Damon Smith

Tony Bennett only left his heart in San Francisco but after spending five days in the Bay Area, I’ve also relinquished all feeling in my glutes.

The average temperature in April should be low double digits but the mercury has already hit 27 degrees as I pedal in a chain gang of tourists along the Golden Gate Bridge’s west sidewalk. The 1.7 mile stretch is reserved for the fast and Lycra-clad furious on two wheels, and rivulets of sweat sluice sunscreen from my brow as my buttocks angrily debate which of them is the most chafed from the saddle of my rental mountain bike.

I punctuate the eight-mile route from the Blazing Saddles main depot in Aquatic Park to the Bayside village of Sausalito with unflattering selfies to restore blood flow to my haunches.

Pleasure and pain are exquisite bedfellows, as this city knows well – it was an altar for sexual abandon during the Summer of Love in 1967 and a beacon for gay liberation under politician Harvey Milk, as well as an epicentre for Mother Nature’s seismic fury. (The city lies close to the San Andreas Fault.)

Shafts of sunlight penetrate the canopy at Muir Woods National Monument.
Shafts of sunlight penetrate the canopy at Muir Woods National Monument.

In my final year at university, I saw Hitchcock’s Vertigo and devoured the Tales Of The City saga penned by Armistead Maupin, both set in San Francisco. Ever since, I have unabashedly romanticised the city.

Twenty one years later, as I excitedly answer her siren song, she is a magnificent yet emotionally conflicted creature – still trapped in the dot.com bubble blown by Silicon Valley in the far south, but unable to sweep away signs of acute urban poverty in the north.

These contradictions play out daily beneath the benevolent gaze of the 210-feet tall white concrete Coit Tower – a silent, unblinking Art Deco sentinel, tattooed with vibrant Depression-era frescoes, perched atop Telegraph Hill.

Damon Smith preparing to Bike The Bridge in 27 degree heat in San Francisco.
Damon Smith preparing to Bike The Bridge in 27 degree heat in San Francisco.

Powerwalking up 30% inclines, which test the clutch control of slow-moving traffic, my imagination burns as fiercely as my calf muscles. I stumble upon tongue twister thoroughfares like Beach Blanket Babylon Boulevard, named after the world’s longest running musical revue, and bustling cafes on Chestnut Street, where every block has one pedigree dog tied to a parking meter, while its owner devours al fresco lunch nearby.

Considering the heat and fierce topography, it’s understandable that tourists queue up to one hour for the vintage cable cars, particularly on the route between Powell Street and Fisherman’s Wharf – a waterside haven of clam chowder served in sourdough bowls. I seek cool, subterranean refuge in a tunnel of sharks, bat rays and shimmering anchovy swirls at the Aquarium Of The Bay.

A colony of mischievous African penguins, who are better suited to the swelter than me, and an implacable albino alligator christened Claude inhabit neighbouring eco-systems in Golden Gate Park at the California Academy Of Sciences, which houses an aquarium, planetarium and natural history museum.

Photo of cable cars in San Francisco.
Photo of cable cars in San Francisco.

Ironically, the earthquake simulator lacks the Richter scale excitement of a similar attraction at the Natural History Museum in London. But the centrepiece is a four-storey rainforest contained within a 27-metre spherical dome. The air is thick with butterflies and the caterwauls of two impish macaws.

I make unearthly sounds too, when I eventually return my bike, gingerly unweld myself from the saddle and remove the helmet to liberate my bedraggled, sweat-soaked hair.

“Did you have fun?” asks one of the crew. Not for the first time in San Francisco – nor the last, I suspect – I smile, contentedly exhausted.

WHERE TO STAY

:: Sir Francis Drake, www.sirfrancisdrake.com

Victorian-style kitsch flirts with boutique chic at this hotel where Beefeater doormen in ruffled red tunics beckon guests into a reception/bar festooned with high back thrones.

The Starlight Room on the 21st floor seduces fun-loving weekenders with a Sunday cabaret brunch hosted by feather-swathed drag queens. Away from the frou-frou, rooms from 271 US dollars (£185) are spacious, but en-suite shower/bathrooms are too compact to swing a corgi.

:: The Buchanan, www.thebuchananhotel.com

Head west along Sutter Street to the Eastern promise of The Buchanan in Japantown. Airy, Oriental-inspired rooms from 259 US dollars (£177) boast cute design flourishes that put the fun in feng shui – including a flat-screen TV nestled in a wooden easel.

Delfina, San Francisco.
Delfina, San Francisco.

WHERE TO EAT

:: Cadence, www.cadencesf.com

Located in the burgeoning mid-Market neighbourhood, Cadence proffers a playful four-course chef’s menu with optional beverage pairings, or an equally tempting a la carte selection. Whalebone booths, beached centrally in the dining room, provide a dramatic backdrop to immaculately presented northern California produce, with occasional Euro-Asian flourishes.

:: Delfina, www.delfinasf.com

This James Beard Award-winning Italian is a stylish eaterie in the Mission District, sating hearty appetites with al dente pastas swathed in luscious ragus. The menu’s lip-smacking mainstay – a succulent roasted half-chicken served with sinfully creamy olive oil mashed potatoes – makes my carb-conscious heart skip a beat.

:: Fog City, www.fogcitysf.com

The horseshoe-shaped dining room of this upscale bistro offers unobstructed views of the eastern waterfront. Lunch and dinner menus proudly flaunt locally sourced seafood and desserts are complemented with signature vanilla frozen custard. “Only place in the city you can get it,” confides my deliciously theatrical server, Chad.

WHAT TO DO

:: Visit Alcatraz Island, www.alcatrazcruises.com

Before the last inmates departed on March 21, 1963, up to 320 prisoners and 90 correctional officers were stationed on Alcatraz Island. Considerably more tourists serve time here, flocking to the national parkland via a ferry service from Pier 33.

Tickets are never available on the day so book far in advance, preferably taking a boat before 10am to avoid the lunchtime crush in the cellhouse. A 45-minute self-guided audio tour relives the facility’s bloodiest chapters, replete with the sickening sound effect of one prisoner being shanked during a canteen riot.

:: Walk in Muir Woods National Park

Located 12 miles north of the city, this is one of the last remaining cathedral-like groves of coastal redwoods. These majestic 500-year-old giants stretch 250 feet above the spiralling fronds of the forest floor, and are home to 10 species of bats, spotted owls and gambolling squirrels. Blissfully, there is no mobile phone reception as visitors follow wooden boardwalks, which traverse the meandering Redwood Creek.

Gray Line organises twice-daily tours (www.graylineofsanfrancisco.com) including morning pick-ups from hotels. Stake a claim to a seat on the right-hand side of the coach for breathtaking panoramas of Richardson Bay on the outward journey.

:: Relive childhood dreams

You won’t need to wish upon a star to reach the Walt Disney Family Museum (www.waltdisney.org), located in the former Presidio military base on the northern tip of the peninsula. Two free shuttle buses run on 30-minute loops, transporting visitors to 19,000 square feet of repurposed gallery space, crammed with memorabilia, props, hand-drawn sketches, photographs and historical treasures that illuminate the bare necessities of Disney’s life.

Think twice about taking young children because it takes hours to adequately peruse the interactive touch screens and a meticulously detailed scale model of Disneyland.

TRAVEL FACTS

:: Damon Smith was a guest of the tourist board. For more information on the destination, go to www.VisitTheUSA.co.uk and www.sanfrancisco.travel

:: WOW Air (www.wowair.co.uk) fly from London Heathrow to San Francisco from £199 one way, with a stop in Iceland.

:: A San Francisco CityPASS costs 94 US dollars (£64) and is valid for nine days with unlimited use of Cable Car and Muni transportation, and access to key attractions, including California Academy of Sciences, Blue & Gold Fleet Bay Cruise Adventure and Aquarium Of The Bay. Visit www.citypass.com