The heartbroken husband of Dundee cancer campaigner Ruth Johnson has shared her devastating last words.
Les hopes this deeply personal insight into their final few moments together will let people to see how bravely his wife fought the cruellest of illnesses.
But he also wants it to shed a light on cancer, and why he’s vowed to fill his wife’s shoes on the board of Business Beats Cancer Dundee.
Thinking of others
Ruth Johnson was just 51.
Known as Dora to her friends for her love of travel and exploration, she received a second cancer diagnosis in lockdown after dealing with the harsh realities of breast cancer previously.
But while she was told it was now stage four and incurable, she didn’t want to know what that meant in terms of time.
“I just can’t believe she’s no longer here,” said Les.
“As usual she was thinking of everyone else, not wanting to worry us.
“She was my world…my everything. Without her by my side I am lost.
“But I’m determined to keep her legacy alive.”
‘You’ll love my friend Ruth…’
Ruth was born on January 3, 1970, in Greenock to parents Robert and Joyce McPherson.
She had a happy childhood and maintained a close friendship with Judith – the daughter of former Rangers and Newcastle United executive Freddie Fletcher.
Les said: “Judith got a job where I was working at a design agency in Newcastle and she kept going on about how much she thought I’d like her best friend.
“This was over 20 years ago so we talked on the phone and eventually met up.
“It was an instant connection; we just clicked.”
The pair began dating and not long after Les got down on one knee at the top of the London Eye to propose.
He added: “Much to the delight of the watching tourists she said ‘yes’.”
A move to Scotland
Job opportunities opened up in Scotland for Les first, then Ruth, where she worked as a sales manager for an hotel chain.
The couple wed on September 24, 2006, at Murrayshall in Perth, where they lived at the time.
They celebrated 15 years of marriage just two months ago when Les surprised Ruth with a Fortnum and Mason hamper full of her favourite treats.
But four years ago she was dealt the first blow to her health.
Just so brave
A breast cancer diagnosis meant a gruelling journey through surgery and treatments.
“She underwent a mastectomy, she lost her hair and was in so much pain.
“It was horrible to watch but she was so brave.
“It was a really tough time but a year later she got the all clear.”
Hoping for a fresh start they sold their Longforgan house and moved to Maryfield, Dundee.
Les said: “That was supposed to be our forever home.
“We had so many plans together; so much to still do.
“It’s so sad to think I’ll be doing this on my own now, without her.”
Challenges of Covid
Ruth left her job to join Les as part at his graphic design business, Creative Orange, but lockdown stalled their plans.
“It was tough financially,” Les said. “And on top of that, doctors thought Ruth had a slipped disc in her back as she was in severe pain.
“She went to get scan results and came home in floods of tears.
“That was the day our world collapsed around us.”
It was at that meeting she was told the cancer had returned, spread and was likely at an incurable stage.
Les was at home, sitting at the kitchen table, when Ruth returned.
“She walked in and broke down. I was just devastated, and then angry anyone should have to hear that without someone to support them…and then make the drive home alone.”
Business Beats Cancer Dundee
What followed next was 18 months of chemotherapy, treatments and a commitment from the couple to get through it together.
Ruth even signed up to be part of Business Beats Cancer Dundee and hoped campaigning to raise funds for research.
Alison Henderson, CEO of Dundee Chamber of Commerce, was also part of the BBCD board.
She said: “Ruth just had the most amazing ability to draw people in and get them connected.
“She was just a wonderful human whose own life experience she wanted to use to help others.
“Ruth was a brilliant networker, always so positive and passionate.
“We became close over the last year and enjoyed several outdoor get-togethers.
“I’m desperately sad. She was incredibly special to many people.”
Looking to the future
Keeping focused on the future, Les and Ruth continued to make plans.
They loved to travel and hoped for a weekend in their favourite place, Manchester, or a longer trip to the States where they were regular visitors.
He said: “It just wasn’t meant to be.
“I did things to cheer her up – like getting the stars of Coronation Street to send her video messages of support – but she started to decline.
“Her breathing weakened and about three weeks ago she left for her chemo session and I got a call saying they felt she was too ill for the treatment and was going to be admitted at Ninewells.”
As Ruth’s condition worsened, the confident, funny, woman was starting to struggle.
“It was so hard to see my wife’s health decline but I knew I had to be strong for her.”
The worst possible news
Les spoke to the oncologist, whose words shocked him.
“He explained that Ruth had been asked if she wanted the likely timeframe, but she said she didn’t want that information – no doubt to spare the rest of us.
“Then he said, ‘We’re looking at a few weeks, Les’.”
But less than 48 hours later, he called back saying they now feared Ruth wouldn’t last the weekend.
Les couldn’t understand the dramatic decline.
His frustrations only worsened; and he was there when Ruth’s oncologist had to break the news to her.
Les said: “I stayed with her constantly but went home on Monday night so she could rest.
“The phone rang just after midnight on Tuesday morning and I was told to come up immediately.
“I rushed to ward 32 and sat with my arms around her. I was asked to step out while the nurses freshened her up.
“They rushed out 10 minutes later and said, ‘She’s taking her final breaths’.
“I was shocked. I still am.”
Precious final moments together
At 2am on Tuesday, November 9, Ruth passed away.
“My beautiful, loving wife died in front of me whilst I held her hand.
“She looked so scared as she gripped my hand so tightly and whispered, ‘I just want to sleep, I just want to sleep’.
“Then minutes later she took her final breath and the love of my life was gone forever.
“I can’t properly express how sad I am.
“It was such a sad and undignified end to a wonderful life, she did not deserve to leave this world that way.”
The fight continues
Now Les has pledged to take Ruth’s place on the board of Business Beats Cancer to carry on her legacy.
And he’s set up a fundraising page in memory of his wife.
“Ruth was exhausted. She fought solidly, both physically and mentally.
“But the fight must go on to beat this disease. I can’t stop now. I’m going to pick up where she left off.”
The funeral will take place on Monday, November 29, at 1.30pm in Dundee Crematorium, followed by a celebration of Ruth’s life at the Invercarse Hotel.
The same song that Ruth walked down the aisle to – One by U2 – will be played, as will One More Day from the musical Les Misérables.
Les said: “Ruth loved musicals and it seemed appropriate. I wish I could have one more day.
“Rest in peace Dora, I love you.”