When Kenny McDonald’s wife Vivienne died in 2017, he dutifully set about organising her funeral and taking care of arrangements.
It was only when he returned home on the day of her wake, and his then 18-month-old son Jacob cried out for his mum, that he realised he was now a single dad.
Recalling the heart-breaking moment, he said: “I lifted him up and I held him so tight and said, ‘Mummy’s not here baba, she’s in heaven now.
“I had no time to grieve, I was so distraught.
“I wondered if I was going to be able to manage being a single parent for the first time.”
Vivienne died aged 32 after a four-year battle with pulmonary fibrosis, a rare condition in which the lungs become scarred and breathing becomes increasingly difficult.
There is no cure for the disease.
Kenny, 58, who has four adult children from a previous marriage, recalls how people didn’t believe he would be able to look after Jacob alone after Vivienne’s death.
He said: “People at the beginning thought that Jacob would either end up with my daughter from my previous marriage, or that I would put him in foster care or have him adopted.
“But that was never on the cards.”
Vivienne’s ‘dream’ to be a mum after nine miscarriages
He says he also had to put up with “snide” comments about Vivienne’s decision to have Jacob, knowing she was terminally ill at the time.
Kenny said: “I had comments such as, ‘It was selfish what Vivienne did, having Jacob, knowing she was going to die’.
“But at the end of the day, it was what Vivienne wanted, and I wasn’t going to stop her.
“It was her dream to be a mother. She had nine miscarriages before Jacob came along.
“Admittedly at the time when she was pregnant and I was 50, I wasn’t too keen.
“But it was only because I was worried about it accelerating her illness, which unfortunately it did do.
“But while Vivienne was alive and we had Jacob we never spoke about her mortality or things like that. We just got on with it.
“We both enjoyed our time with Jacob right up until she died.
“But yeah, there were snide comments like that to deal with which weren’t very nice.”
As a stay-at-home dad, Kenny says men in his position often have to deal with outdated assumptions that they are less suited to parenting than their female counterparts.
The retired bus driver said: “Being a stay-at-home dad is so typecast.
“People can be negative and say, ‘It’s a woman’s job’, but it’s not.
“I actually enjoy being a single dad because before, in my previous marriage, I would be at work, and my wife would be at home looking after the kids.
“But I am more hands on with Jacob. I get to do everything with him – meals, homework, take him to the park, to school – which means we have built a close bond.
“I don’t see him as just my son, I see him as my little sidekick. My little friend.
“He is very cuddly and affectionate. A lot of the time he will say, ‘I love you dad’, and I will say ‘I love you too mate’.
“Being a single dad is challenging at times but I do enjoy it.
“I even enjoy cooking and cleaning, washing and ironing, tidying up.”
Despite their close relationship, he knows Jacob misses his mum.
He said: “Jacob asks about his mum a lot.
“Bless him, not long ago, he asked me how she died.
“It caught me off guard, but I explained it to him.
“Then he said, ‘It wasn’t my fault that mummy died, was it?’
“I said, ‘No mate, never ever blame yourself, it was never your fault. Never think that’.
“That kind of broke my heart in a way. Because he only knew her for 18 months and he doesn’t remember it.”
People mistake Kenny for Jacob’s grandfather ‘all the time’
As an older dad, is he ever mistaken for Jacob’s grandfather?
Kenny laughs. “Yes – all the time.
“I get a few comments like, ‘How old is your grandson?’, but I don’t mind it.
“I don’t take it in a negative way, I take it as a bit of a compliment.
“They just see this guy who is older with grey hair and make an assumption.
“But do you know what? I am quite easy-going and laid back.
“I just say, ‘Oh he is my son’, and people are quite supportive and say, ‘Good on you'”.
However, as he ages, Kenny admits that he often worries about how much time he will have with Jacob.
He said: “Right now Jacob is 7 and I’m 58,
“In 10 years’ time, he will be 17 and I’m going to be 68.
“To a certain extent I feel guilty. I worry a lot about how much time we are going to have together.
“It is quite a natural part of being an older dad. It is something that goes through your mind.
“Admittedly, it is something that goes through my mind nearly every day.
“I’m just trying to live every moment with him now because I don’t know what is around the corner and I don’t know how old I am going to live to.
“But I’m glad he has got the support of his older brothers and sister, which is a plus.”
Bridge walks have raised thousands of pounds for Pulmonary Fibrosis Trust
Since Vivienne’s death, Kenny and Jacob have raised thousands of pounds for the Pulmonary Fibrosis Trust.
They have walked both ways across several bridges in Scotland to raise funds, including the Tay Bridge, Forth Road Bridge, Cromarty Bridge, Skye Bridge and the Kessock Bridge.
Next year, they hope to cross the Humber Bridge near Yorkshire in England to raise more money for the charity, which Jacob is an ambassador for.
The Mattocks Primary School pupil has been presented several awards and medals for his charity work, including a Blue Peter Badge.
Kenny said: “I’m happy I’ve got Jacob.
“When Vivienne died, my daughter said to me, ‘Dad, you may not realise it yet, but Jacob is going to be your salvation’.
“And yeah, she was right.
“He is the one who holds me together.
“I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have Jacob.”
Conversation