The widow of a young Dundee dad who took his own life has taken the brave decision to share an open letter to her husband.
In the video, Lynsey Alexander, 35, speaks with searing honesty of being left behind to pick up the pieces after her footballer husband Jayson suicide in died by suicide in September 2020, aged only 32.
Lynsey, mum to August, 5, and Charlie, 7, is bearing her soul to support the mental health charity, Back Onside, which supported her after the tragedy.
Now a community ambassador for the Stirling-based charity, Lynsey believes that without Back Onside she might never have survived the tragic event of 2020 that changed her life forever.
Dundee woman says ‘charity saved my life’
She said: “I am sharing this letter to Jayson in a bid to raise awareness and funding for the charity which helps people when they need support the most.
“If it wasn’t for this charity I would never have coped. I would never have been able to keep on going after Jayson died without their support – they saved my life and now I want to support them.”
Jayson was well known in the footballing community in Dundee and played for Lochee United and worked at Dundee FC as the club’s fitness coach.
Tributes flooded in following his death.
Lynsey, a nurse at Ninewells, said: “I am now doing the best I can, it is a struggle but I just have to deal with it.
“I have taken control of my life because what happened was out of my control.
“Being a single parent is hard and I have good and bad days but the trauma of what I discovered that morning never goes away.”
Lynsey Alexander shares worries about the couple’s sons
She said: “I agreed to do the letter to get the message across of what life is like for those left behind following suicide.
“I did wonder if my message was a bit too hard-hitting but that is the harsh reality of my life now.”
In Lynsey’s letter to Jayson she says one of her biggest worries is about the couple’s two boys.
She says to Jayson: “I lost my husband and my future and the boys lost their daddy, they were just babies.
“The boys miss you more than you would even have imagined.
“In what world would a child be better off without you?
“What do I tell them, how do I tell them?
“Will they ever understand why daddy left – and to leave – by choice?
“Where was daddy at their first day of school, first sports day, first time riding a bike?”
Telling Jayson about her own feelings, Lynsey adds: “People look at me and tell me I’m so strong but inside I’m dying because I know that you would have loved to have been there.
“What worries me the most is that they will end up broken and angry at the world – I hope not.”
“I live a life doing the best I can given the circumstances.
“I do the job of mum and dad now but I am broken.
“Finding my husband like that has left me with wounds so deep they can’t be fixed.
“All I can do now is do anything and everything to keep your memory alive and to explain to the boys that daddy tried his best to fight.
“You could have been here if you had tried to talk to someone.”
Back Onside suicide campaign launched
Kirsty Kelly of Back Onside explained that this month the charity is launching its Suicide Solution campaign in a bid to raise desperately needed funding.
She said: “Our funds are scarily low and we need people to get involved so that we can be a safe space for people and families that need it.
“We are receiving more messages and calls than ever from people who are contemplating suicide and we urgently need funds to ensure that we can continue providing our vital mental health services.
“Our Suicide Solution campaign aims to highlight the devastating affect that suicide can have on people and loved ones.
“We need people to understand their worth and know that there is help and support available if they are experiencing suicidal thoughts.”
She added: “We are beyond grateful for Lynsey and her continuous support.
“We’re so proud of her for speaking so openly about her experience, she is a huge part of the Back Onside family and we will continue to support her, and her boys, in every way that we can.
“We can’t thank Lynsey enough for raising vital awareness of suicide and the effects it can have on loved ones.”
Conversation