I was avoiding the subject of Captain Tom Moore until I saw him on Blankety Blank.
Before outraged readers grab green pens to demand The Courier has me executed, I must add I bear no ill will towards the old boy. I agree it’s heroic for a 99-year-old to raise millions for the NHS with a sponsored walk. He deserves everything he’s getting: an RAF flypast for his 100th birthday, a chart-topping single with Michael Ball, and having Happy Birthday sung to him by Amanda Holden on the radio. He’s amazing.
My discomfort comes from the idea an elderly man should decide to complete a sponsored walk, with a walking frame, to support an essential public service. The NHS should be resourced properly.
Even the morally bankrupt Upper Class Twit of the Year Show that is the current Tory government should recognize the value in funding health services during a global pandemic, if only to save the people who vote for them.
Sadly not. Since 2010, increases in NHS funding have been limited to about 1% per year which – as anyone who has heard of inflation, population growth or the concept of scientific advancement will tell you – is small and stupid, like the brains of the UK’s current rulers.
So, when I saw Captain Tom carefully stepping forwards to raise money, and Britain’s brainwashed masses characterising this story as inspirational, I squirmed, and resolved to bite my tongue.
Then I saw the clip from Blankety Blank. It was a Christmas show, presented by Terry Wogan, dating from 1983. The celebrities included Beryl Reid, Roy Kinnear and Patrick Moore (who I once interviewed, although I didn’t write up the story because he talked too fast for my shorthand).
And there, winning only the chequebook and pen, was Tom Moore, with an impressive moustache. The show was charming, delightful and, when first broadcast and now when it was reshared online by the BBC, exactly the type of entertainment designed to distract the proles from the issues that really matter.
Well done, Captain Tom. And damn you, Matt Hancock and your slimy predecessors. Now fund healthcare properly. Life isn’t a gameshow.
