A producer for a radio show was giving me a rundown on the range of topics we might discuss on air the other day.
His final words were “and if we’re really struggling, we’ll ask you what you would tell your 18 year-old self.”
Now there’s a question.
My gut instinct was “Tell yourself you’re gay!” And then teenage you might waste a bit less time attempting to kiss frogs in the years ahead.”
Could I really say that on national radio though?
I then spent far too long trying to craft the perfect politician’s answer.
Something bland enough to not spike too much interest but not so bland that people roll their eyes at you and mouth “whatever” before writing you off for fakery.
Now that I’ve had more time to think about it, my advice sheet for teenage me is a good bit longer and more detailed.
First and foremost, that green suede jacket that you bought second hand in Barnardos on Reform Street isn’t edgy. It isn’t alternative or even a little bit cool, it’s just a wee bit foosty.
Bin it. You and your inner circle of pals will be forever grateful.
All that other stuff? Bin it too
Secondly, see all these CDs you’re coveting in Grouchos. All the videos in Our Price you’re eyeing up and spending your hard earned cash on?
You’re going to lug them from flat to flat throughout uni and for a good four or five years afterwards as well.
At one point, they’ll probably represent 50% of your belongings, despite being utterly worthless and completely redundant in a few years time.
Also you’re going to be gutted when you find out that Alisha’s Attic are not going to be the next big thing, and that song you love is going to be pretty much their only hit.
Thirdly and finally teenage Kezia, god you’re so lucky.
If only I could tell you that, in a way that you might understand, maybe you would take more time to appreciate the life you’re living.
You’ve got great friends, you won’t really struggle to find work and you’re getting a brilliant education that’s going to lead you into the most amazing career.
You’ll serve in your country’s national parliament and you’ll meet people from all walks of life.
You’ll be part of making things a wee bit better for others.
You’ll have a secure roof over your head and one day you’ll own your own place.
You’ll love and be loved.
Be grateful.
And thank god this thing called Facebook isn’t around for your teenage years, so people can’t see that jacket
Teenage life less certain today
I’m pretty sure 18 year-olds today can fully expect to be accepted for who they are. No matter their sexuality, ethnicity or background.
If there’s one bit of progress that’s been made in the last 20 years, it’s that we’re a more tolerant and accepting country, though goodness knows we can’t be complacent about it.
But on just about every other measure life is going to be harder for this generation of teenagers and young adults, even before the pandemic.
Employers are looking for expertise in adaptability, communication skills and a higher in hard graft
As young Scots open their exam results, they should be able to expect that good grades will lead them into a good job, yet the world of work is very different nowadays.
The proliferation of insecure contracts has left young people unsure of what they’ll earn from one week to the next.
If they get a good job straight away, or even a career, technological advances suggest it won’t be a career for life. Instead they’ll have to retrain and reskill several times over in the years ahead.
It matters less now what you got in your Higher physics. Employers are looking for expertise in adaptability, communication skills and a higher in hard graft.
Rewards no longer guaranteed
Hard graft should lead to a better life for themselves and their family.
That’s supposed to be the deal and it’s not an unreasonable expectation that working hard in a good job will be a passport to owning your home, or at least a secure tenancy.
Yet housing costs represent a higher share of what this generation will spend their income on than for any generation before.
If you’re renting in one of Scotland’s big cities you’re stuck in a trap of being unable to save but also at the mercy of a landlord’s whim, despite recent significant advances in housing rights.
Thousands of Scots families face homelessness as Covid eviction ban for those struggling with lockdown payments ends. With record numbers of families in temp accomm & debt rising as a result of the pandemic, we must protect people from h’ness https://t.co/ykWQLx26Qf
— Alison Watson (@alisonj_WATSON) July 25, 2021
It’s often said that this generation is the first whose expectations of living a life better than their parents is unlikely to be fulfilled.
What a depressing thought to leave you with.
But those of us who won’t see our teenage years again aren’t entirely helpless here.
Given we know how tough it’s likely to be for all those coming of age now we can all do our own bit to be more generous, more kind, and definitely far more forgiving about their fashion choices.