With less than two weeks to go until the big day, that sound you can hear is the collective wail of stressed-out women across the country.
It shouldn’t be controversial for me to point out that the burden of Christmas management, and the stress that comes with it, falls largely on the weary shoulders of women.
Yes, there are exceptions. I know there will be men who will rush to tell me that actually, in their household, they do most of the work while their wives spend the run-up to Christmas sozzled on rum-spiked mulled wine.
But the exception isn’t the rule and also: well done those women.
The fact that such cases still enjoy novelty value and the expectation of pats on the back proves my point.
And there are studies a-plenty to back up my theory.
They show that women generally suffer more stress around Christmas than men do. Probably because they’re the ones that are running the show.
Christmas stress: like mother like daughter
When I was younger I had no knowledge of how the spectacle of Christmas came to be.
I remember my mum appearing disproportionally frazzled at what amounted to little more than wrapping a few presents and cooking a roast dinner.
Age and experience has taught me such tasks are just a tiny fraction of the overall work that goes into Christmas.
When I knew I would be writing about this I asked her who did the bulk of the Christmas graft when I was wee.
Her answer: ‘”I did it all. Your dad’s sole contribution was peeling the carrots and potatoes while regaling me with every detail of his accomplishments.’’
New dad, same old story
This put me in mind of my daughter’s dad and his gallant pledge to make the trifle one year.
Apparently, he was ‘”well-known’’ for his trifle skills.
So when the time came to make the thing, I was somewhat surprised to learn he was doing one of the standard, back-of-the-cupboard box trifles that never go out of date.
Still, at least it would be one less thing I needed to worry about.
If only that were the case.
First the instructions were too small so could I read them out for him?
Then he wasn’t sure how long jelly needed to set and could I just check to see if it was ready?
We're having our smallest ever gathering on Christmas day this year. Just me, the wee one and her dad. I thought that might mean a scaled-down event and less stress than usual. That was before my daughter formed a Christmas Day committee and appointed herself chairwoman.
— Kirsty Strickland (@KirstyStricklan) December 6, 2021
Once he realised he couldn’t style out the lumps in the custard, he asked me to swoop in and rescue the mixture.
In the end, I made the bloody thing. He added the sprinkles at the end then waited for me to tell him how clever he was.
He’s coming to ours for Christmas this year and, like a true Wise Woman, I’m buying a pudding from Lidl.
Christmas stress arrives earlier every year
Of course, Christmas organisation isn’t merely about who does the cooking or who wraps the presents.
It’s the thinking and planning and thousands of decisions in the run up to December 25.
It’s the expectation that you will ‘”sort out’’ – i.e, choose, buy, wrap and send – gifts for your family, the extended family, friends and the work secret Santa.
On top of the usual list of things to remember to pack in your child’s bag on any given day, now we’ve got the Christmas stuff too.
Last week, I had to remember a change of clothes for the nativity, a jumper and hat for the Santa dash, the menu form for the Christmas dinner and the donation for the Christmas collection.
And because we need to save the planet from almost certain destruction, these festive diktats aren’t even sent home in a letter that I can stick to the door.
I’ve got to check the school app or ask the class group chat.
Incidentally, that chat, where school-related matters are discussed and organised, is entirely made up of women. Fancy that.
Here’s how you can help
I’m Grinch-green with envy when my male friends tell me that they don’t do any Christmas shopping until Christmas eve.
Oh, to be that carefree and unorganised. What a thrill it must be to never worry about the delays at Royal Mail. No scheduling family visits or filing gift receipts.
Omicron has added a new layer to the usual festive frenzy.
On Tuesday, Nicola Sturgeon will give a statement that could upend our meticulously organised Christmas plans.
We’ll have to wait and see if Christmas will be downsized once again.
Even if it is, it’s unlikely to make Mrs Claus’ load any lighter.
But we’ll muddle through. And while we do, it would be unwise to make any statements along the lines of “it’s just one day’’ or “you’re stressing about nothing’’.
If you’re one of the lucky people who has an insignificant role in your household’s Christmas organising committee, just concentrate on making the drinks.
The countdown is on and most women are going to need their glasses topped up.
