Oh give me strength. “Researchers” have found that couples who watch boxsets together find it improves their relationship.
The mindblowingly obvious premise for this is that they have to be in the same room while watching them.
Why do they never ask me, these “researchers”? Allow me to set the record straight.
Watching boxsets means you are slipping towards alcoholism. This might just be in Penman Towers but we tend to find if we have enough time to sit down together to watch something on the telly from start to finish of an evening, it is seen as a cause for celebration. Which means a tipple.
And because no one ever watches just one episode of a boxset, that turns into several tipples.
It also means bad temper. In the morning, you will be very cross with the person who said “Let’s just watch one more” several times before you stumbled to bed at ridiculous o’clock on a school night.
Rather than feeling a greater sense of commitment, you will tell that person that because of them inciting you to recklessness, you will be too tired to do your job and may get sacked. Then you will have all the time in the world to watch boxsets but not the money to purchase them.
Boxsets mean you hate yourself for pressing the series record thingy. I’m assuming binge-watching recorded stuff counts because you know you’re storing up trouble – especially if it’s something you’re too scared to watch alone, like Stranger Things.
You will have no option to wait until you are together but it’s not for romantic reasons. It’s so you don’t die of fright alone.
In the olden days, before boxsets, couples had the togetherness of shared anticipation when they had to wait a week for the next episode. I miss that a bit.
And finally, just because you’re in the same room as someone, watching the same boxset, it doesn’t always mean you are both concentrating.
One of you may be checking the Partick Thistle scores on your phone while the other is finishing off some work on their laptop.
There’s togetherness for you.