Finding it increasingly difficult to paper over the cracks of the cost of living crisis? Why not pasta over them instead.
That was the suggestion of one Conservative commentator this week when met with the plight of a single mum who is struggling to feed herself and her three kids.
Kevin Edger, the commentator in question, recommended the nurse simply feed her whole family on 50p bags of dry pasta – presumably continuously, forever, until they die of malnutrition or boredom.
At least Mary Antoinette wanted the poors to have cake.
Kevin’s pasta résistance was met by wealthy head-nods of approval – once again begging the question: why are rich folk so convinced they would be great at being poor?
But I’m not here to talk about Kevin’s kitchen nightmare.
A woman named Jack Monroe has already skewered him like a fancy kebab over that.
The food blogger, famous for books such as Cooking on a Bootstrap and persuading the government to reassess how it measures rising food prices, pointed out that that 50p bag of pasta still has to be cooked. In a pan, with utensils, on a cooker.
And at 155 calories a meal, presuming ‘luxury’ items like salt, butter and sauce aren’t permitted in Kevin’s world, it’s possibly not the most nutritionally sound way to feed someone doing a physically demanding job like nursing.
Yet you can buy a big bag of dried pasta, that would feed a family, for about £0.50p….
If you shop and cook properly, you can eat healthy meals really cheaply.
I would love to see how she spends her salary… https://t.co/p02LyMJ6WN
— Kevin Edger (@KEdge23) April 11, 2022
No. Let’s chat instead about the last line in Kevin’s money musings, “I would love to see how she spends her salary…”
Working mums shouldn’t have to feed a family on dried pasta
Of course Kevin, king of frugal living, can’t fathom the idea that a single-wage mum of three would struggle financially in these days of soaring expense.
Not when there’s 50p pasta to be had.
She could live in a house made from pasta, dress her kids in pasta, dress herself in pasta, heat her pasta house with pasta and drive to work in a car made from pasta, run on fuel made from pasta.
She can then use her own tears to boil her pasta dinner.
But this mum won’t do that.
No, she probably bought her kid a toy or something useless like that.
While he was dishing out his brain-thoughts, I wonder did Kevin ever stop to ask himself why a working mum should have to rely on 50p bags of dry pasta to feed her family.
Is that not a despairing reflection of the UK? That our NHS staff can’t afford to eat properly.
That the best we can offer them is a cheap bag of wheat and flour dough. “Thanks for the effort, don’t eat it all at once.”
And I know what people like Kevin will say – him and all the rich folk who would be great at being poor.
It doesn’t have to be dry. There’s plenty of sauces down the foodbank.
But if we’re sending nurses to the foodbank to collect something that might liven up their 50p pasta we’ve come a long way from the days of clapping for carers.
Think being poor is easy? Be my guest
Now I know we’re no longer allowed to bring people’s partners into discussions when we talk about wages, or money, or anything like that.
It’s so unfair.
Famous American man and husband-of-a-woman-richer-than-The-Queen, Rishi Sunak, has been very clear about that.
But if we were still allowed to discuss people’s partners – if this was the time before the nom-dom status of the wife of the Chancellor of the Exchequer became embarrassing for famous American man Rishi Sunak – then I’d tell you Kevin’s partner is Conservative MP Elliot Colburn.
And why does this matter?
Because austerity, the rise in foodbanks and the cost of living crisis has been overseen by the Conservative party.
These are the things that have forced working single mums into the choice between feeding themselves and feeding their children.
Forced them to accept advice about surviving on a 50p bag of pasta.
Conservative MP Elliot Colburn claimed £236,078.88 from 1st June 2020 – 31st May 2021, but his partner’s telling nurses they should be living off 50 pence a bag pasta. https://t.co/TgWuOT2rH2
— Dr Rebecca Tidy (@DrRebeccaTidy) April 11, 2022
So perhaps instead of debating the lifestyle of the poverty stricken mother online, Kevin could have put down his glass of Chateau La Fleur-Petrus, swallowed his last bite of filet mignon, and asked Elliot Colburn MP what the hell his party is going to do to help this woman.
But that would almost be like admitting there was a problem. A problem with the wealth divide.
And we all know that there is no problem. It’s just these goddamn poors are so bad at being poor.
If only they were as good at being poor as the rich would be, if they ever got the chance.
I’m up for giving them a chance.
Penne for your thoughts Kevin?
