They say you should try everything once.
I always thought Love Island was my exception. But a couple of years ago I switched onto the reality summer show and became strangely hooked.
Now it’s back, with a new eight-week run starting on Monday and I’ve found myself debating whether or not to watch it.
On the one hand, it’s awful. A group of young women and men vying to couple up, navigating game-playing, bitchiness and occasionally cheating to be crowned the ultimate loved-up Island King and Queen.
Worse, everyone is tanned and toned (a ‘larger’ female contestant is a size 12). And they spend days lounging by a Mallorcan pool in Versace thong bikinis asking things like ‘Who is Boris Johnson anyway?’
And for all the above reasons, I also love Love Island.
But sometimes it makes me feel old.
I know this is annoying thing for anyone who’s younger than you to say, but the truth is I’m 45 and watching Love Island and its stars makes me feel Edwardian.
Strange face of a show-off society?
Maybe it’s not new, this parading of bodies and ego.
Just ask Hugh Hefner or Peter Stringfellow – God rest their souls – who happily passed their days surrounded by bikini clad groupies decades before.
Part of our fascination has always been that these women do look amazing – magazine-ready, glamorous and with perfect bodies.
But there are differences today. The obsession with lip fillers, collagen and botox has a macabre feel to it.
Some contestants look a little on the enhanced side and I find myself wanting to scream ‘stop there!’
Summer just got a whole lot hotter 🔥 #LoveIsland pic.twitter.com/dvAUm1xVw5
— Love Island (@LoveIsland) May 30, 2022
The bee-stung lip and frozen forehead look is enough. They still look amazing.
But keep going and by the time we get to the 10th Love Island reunion, it will be the opposite of Dorian Grey. A grotesque, li-lo lipped figure lying by the pool, while in the attic the natural version, complete with crow’s feet to show a life lived and a face still capable of expression, lives on.
At least – and unlike the heydays of Miss World and the Playboy Mansion – the male stars of Love Island are in the same near-naked, body-obsessed boat and are not lording it in power suits over nubile wannabes.
But there’s a depressing note to the ruthless hunger for fame in this Balearic paradise.
The darker side of sudden stardom
‘This show will make a star of me,’ they think.
‘I will sign deals worth millions and be the darling of London’s celebrity party circuit.’
And some will. Some will even achieve lasting fame.
But they will be the exceptions.
Most will receive invitations and column inches until the next Love Island, if they’re lucky, when a fresh batch of hungry caterpillars sign up for their butterfly moment… before signing up for an OnlyFans account.
And what then? When the glamour turns into something else and you struggle with depression, anxiety or addiction?
It’s easy to say ‘get another career’ or ‘settle down and be happy’ but fame itself can become the addiction.
This darker side has seen two former contestants, Sophie Garden and Mike Thalassitis, as well as former host, Caroline Flack, take their own lives since 2018.
Love Island is just the latest star factory
I know a thing or two about the reality TV wheel.
It spins you round in a dizzying whirl of canapés and free bars, before spitting you out wondering what you’re going to do with the rest of your life.
As a showbiz reporter, I met so many of the stars – Jade Goody, Sarah Harding, Michelle Heaton, Will Young, Gareth Gates, Nasty Nick to name just a few.
I could name plenty more who’ll mean nothing to you. But back in the day, they were lauded at parties and written about daily.
They made their names on the likes of Big Brother, Pop Stars and the other X Factor-style shows.
They had the time of their lives – even as they were worrying about when it would end.
But not one of them would tell you fame hadn’t made their lives unbearable at times.
Some weathered the storm. Some aren’t here to tell the tale.
It’s easy to lack sympathy – to say it’s their own fault.
But who can blame any young person from swallowing the Instagram dream – the edited lives they see and want?
And good on them for chasing their dreams.
I just hope this year’s contestants are grounded enough not to get lost in the mayhem that is to come – and that the show bosses keep their promise to be there for them long after the final credits roll.
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