I’ve often thought that if only Scotland was hot it would be the most popular tourist destination in the world.
Take The Open at St Andrews last week. Thousands made the pilgrimage – from as far afield as America or Australia – to the Home of Golf.
They saw the beauty of our rivers and hills; maybe they experienced the drone of bagpipes, the kilts, the pomp…
But imagine if they’d been able to slap on some sun lotion after the last putt of the day and order a pina colada on the East Sands or a half hour’s drive away in the Ferry.
Wouldn’t that be just the ticket? The perfect holiday?
Well, actually, as it happens… no.
Because this week we’ve seen the kind of temperatures we’ve always dreamed of – and paid handsomely for – when we’ve flown abroad in search of balmy beaches and palm trees.
And if this kind of heatwave was transferred to Scotland permanently, the Scots would have to leave.
Heatwave Scotland feels like a foreign land
We moan about the weather. We say we want a hot summer. But give us one and we can’t cope.
You know how many people I’ve heard in the last few days saying: “Oh this is great, I’ve been out in the sun all day, can’t get enough”?
None.
“Oh, this is awful,” is more like it, as we all wilt like weeds.
Most of us are skulking in any shade we can find, while Scottish news reporters talk of ways to keep cool with all the solemnity of war correspondents.
“It’s just like 1976,” one man on the TV said, as he sat drinking beer outside his caravan.
“Except we just got on with it then. Went in the sea and had a laugh. We’re taking it all too seriously.”
Maybe he’s got a point but it feels so foreign to be this hot, here in Scotland.
And unlike our week abroad, we don’t have air conditioned rooms and pools when we’re desperate to cool off.
Hair up, freckles out for a day of SCORCHIO Hammer filming in Annan in the Scottish Borders then the Isle of Bute. It’s gonna get hot pals. Keep watered and well. Good luck down South ☀️ 🚿 ❤️ #heatwave pic.twitter.com/m7DxkrIitg
— Martel Maxwell (@MartelMaxwell) July 19, 2022
Nor are we equipped for it genetically on the whole.
Sure there’s the odd Scot who’s escaped the Celtic pallor – the ones who “take a tan”.
But there are plenty more who don’t – the ones who either burn in the hope it will fade into something resembling a tan, or who return from a week away, spent smothered in factor 50 under an umbrella, as blue-white as they went.
More of this? How will we cope?
Maybe these record-breaking temperatures are an oddity – never to be repeated for a decade or two.
But that’s not what the scientists who warn of climate change are telling us.
So what if this becomes the norm?
Huston (or Dundee) we have a problem – that’s what.
I for one rather love Scotland and there’s nowhere else I’d rather stay.
But in this heat, I’ll need air con and a pool.
I’ll need Dundee Council to okay an outdoor waterpark pronto.
I’ll need shares in Visocchis and I’ll need cold beers served on Broughty Ferry beach.
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