There are still more than three weeks to go until King Charles’ big day but I am already experiencing coronation fatigue.
I suspect that as the May 6 event edges ever closer, that fatigue may be replaced with something resembling rage.
What a piece of nonsense the whole thing is.
Media outlets have recently began ramping up their pre-match coverage in a bid to convince the nation that this privileged vanity exercise is something to get excited about.
Because why have just one day of Royal sycophancy when you can have dozens?
Have you heard the latest?
We – the lowly commoners who are footing the bill – are to be treated to the sight of a very old spoon during the coronation.
The ‘Coronation spoon’ dates back to the 12th Century. And it will hold the oil that the Archbishop of Canterbury uses to anoint the King during the coronation.
In the lead up to the event, we will also get an opportunity to glimpse all the glittering royal trinkets that are usually kept hidden from unworthy eyes.
As such, the Crown Jewels are going on tour. And no, that is not a euphemism.
To get everybody in the festive spirit, a light and music display will project the precious items onto landmarks across the UK.
Only in the UK could it be presented as a good thing that we are to be treated to a digital image of jewels that are worth more than the average house.
If King Charles wants a coronation, he can pay for it
Of course, there is a risk that the pomp and ceremony of King Charles’ coronation might be off-putting for the younger generations.
So, in order to get Gen Z primed and ready for a lifetime of deference to the royal family, those PR geniuses at the palace have come up with an official emoji to mark the event.
It’s a crown, naturally.
A special emoji for the Coronation has gone live today! The emoji, based on St Edward’s Crown, will appear when any of the following hashtags are used: #Coronation#CoronationConcert#TheBigHelpout#CoronationWeekend#CoronationBigLunch pic.twitter.com/ueHOpkNn6M
— The Royal Family (@RoyalFamily) April 9, 2023
I suppose it must be hard to think of new and innovative ways to market the idea that one family has the divine right to rule.
The thing is, none of this silliness would bother me at all if it wasn’t reliant on tax-payers’ money.
If King Charles had a tab running for all these expenses; if he was planning to settle it as soon as his wee golden Cinderella carriage arrived back at Buckingham Palace, then that would be fair enough.
We live in a country where it is normal to see a golden carriage being pulled by horses down a street where homeless people will later bed down for the night
If he wanted to throw a big expensive party with his own money then who am I to judge?
Let she who has never dreamed of her own face on a tea towel cast the first stone, etc etc.
But not only are we funding the circus, we’re expected to sit in the front row and pretend it has been assembled for our pleasure.
We are supposed to be pleased, grateful – awed, even – that we live in a country where it is normal to see a golden carriage being pulled by horses down a street where homeless people will later bed down for the night.
King Charles coronation – the final straw?
The land and property estates owned by the Crown have raked in £312 million a year for the late Queen Elizabeth and the now King Charles.
And maybe I’m too uncultured to see the nuances here.
(Or maybe we’ve all been fed the royal delusion for so long that we forget how patently absurd it is.)
But we can’t afford the reported £100m that King Charles’ coronation will cost.
Across the UK, living standards are falling.
Child poverty is on the rise and millions of people are struggling with basic costs.
Last winter, my local foodbank gave out flyers directing clients to the nearest ‘warm bank’ so they could get a few hours of respite from the bitter cold of their unheated homes.
It’s a matter of priorities and the powers that be have got theirs all wrong.
There is one good thing that could come of King Charles’ coronation, though.
Perhaps the sheer cheek of it all will persuade more people that it’s finally time to abolish the monarchy and put an end to their tax-payer funded greed once and for all.
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