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STEVE FINAN: Enjoy the new job Charles, I won’t be bowing though

He doesn't have a problem with King Charles; it's all the protocol that comes along with royalty that gets Steve Finan's back up.

King Charles in royal coach on his way to the coronation
King Charles at his coronation. Image: Toby Melville/PA Wire.

I was (an accident of not realising the date when booking) in the Lake District while the coronation was on.

It was interesting. A lot of people doing strange coronation-connected things. Too many to list.

Nationwide, support for an inherited head of state is falling. But slowly.

So the tipping point when laws change to make it an elected position will come in our grandchildren’s time.

The concept of “royalty” will come to a natural end. No drama, no need for anyone to get upset.

But the weekend highlighted two connected social issues which should change now.

The writer Steve Finan next to a quote: "No one would be jailed because they didn’t say Lord Whatsisface. Or fined for not curtseying."

The first is bowing.

I wouldn’t bow my head to another human being.

Charlie might be royal, whatever that actually means. But he’s first and foremost a bloke doing a job – no better or worse than the rest of us.

Problem with royalty is its protocol – and what it suggests

I’d be pleasant if I met Charlie, his wee brother Eddie, or sister Annie.

I’d shake their hand look them in the eye, and say “How’s it going, pal” – as I would when meeting anyone.

The British version of a bow or curtsy acknowledges a superior and an inferior. And that doesn’t exist in the human race.

King Charles III and Queen Camilla with family members on the Buckingham Palace balcony following the coronation.
King Charles III and Queen Camilla with family members on the Buckingham Palace balcony. Image: Bernard Rubsamen/dana press/Shutterstock.

There aren’t physiological differences between Charlie, you, or me that makes any person “better” than another.

Anyone who bows is a sycophant. And the days of social class are, thankfully, gone.

Nobility isn’t about titles

My second problem is with titles.

If I met Sir Keir Starmer I’d call him Keir. I’d call Kenny Dalglish “Kenny”, and Billy Connolly “Billy”. I wouldn’t say “sir”.

It’s the same for anyone – lord, duke, baron, king, whatever.

That’s not disrespect, it is just a natural, fair-minded equality.

Billy Connolly
King of comedy: Billy Connolly. Image: ITV/Shutterstock

If they were upset about not being given a title then that’s their problem. But surely no reasonable person would take a huff for such a paltry detail?

I think the nobility system, the idea a person is allotted a title alongside their name because of something their ancestors did, should be ignored.

It doesn’t need a law change, we just stop playing the game: newspapers, TV, everyone.

‘Charlie Windsor, you’re no better than me’

What would happen? No one would be jailed because they didn’t say Lord Whatsisface. Or fined for not curtseying.

No serious person can think they should be called sir, lord, grand poobah, or think they deserve a bow because of who their mum or dad was.

A person earns respect for what they do, it isn’t a thing that can be inherited.

This is the 21st Century. Only a conceited balloon-head, if offered a knighthood or other such outdated frippery, would accept it.

If we stop taking part in this charade, it will die out.

I suppose we need a head of state for functionary purposes. But what does the title “king” add to it? Nothing.

Charlie Windsor – you’re not better than me, I’m not better than you. Enjoy the new job though fellah.

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