REBECCA BAIRD: I asked fans at Dundee derby which team I should support – here’s what I learned

“If you want success, choose United.”

This is the forthright advice given to me by Dundee woman Evie McMahon when I show up at the derby on Monday night.

It’s my first time at Dens Park, despite having lived in Dundee for going on a decade, and round the road from the stadiums for the majority of that time.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not been to Tannadice for a game either.

In fact, until 2024, I’d never even watched either of the teams playing on telly.

Football is just not a big part of my life, or part of it at all really.

But football is a huge part of Dundee life. The city comes alive on match days, in a way I have to admit is quite beautiful.

And I’ve spent a third of my life (and nearly all my adulthood) here, so I figure I better get with the programme and finally pick a side.

Last year, I watched my first ever Dundee derby in a pub, and was left surprised and impressed by the good-natured joking and joviality between rival fans.

It was a far cry from my upbringing in Old Firm country.

Then this week, I graduated to seeing a Dundee FC v Dundee United match in person.

My task? Interview fans from both sides before the game, to find out what makes derby days so special in Dundee.

And despite being a fish out of water, I couldn’t be made to feel more welcome.

As it turns out, I’m too busy buzzing about to see much of the actual game.

But I do take the opportunity to do a little personal research.

I ask each of my interviewees this question: “I’ve been in Dundee for 10 years and never picked a side. Why should I choose yours?”

And the responses give me a lot to weigh up.

Bigger, older, better?

Evie’s advice of choosing United if I want to choose success is a fair shout. Notably, this is said before they go on to lose 1-0, not after!

But in general Dundee United have been doing really well, from my limited football knowledge.

In that respect, it seems like a straightforward choice. I do like to win.

Fellow Tangerine Army member Bruce Low echoes Evie, telling me: “United are the biggest club in the city, and the best!”

Now, some Googling later on of ‘which is the biggest Dundee football club’ took me down a rabbit hole of statistical minutiae fit to put me off the whole game again for good.

It seems that Dundee was bigger, and then United grew, and now the general idea is that United might be slightly bigger. Maybe. I lost interest.

Either way, I’ve never been one to care much about what’s popular.

So when it comes to a ‘bigger’ club, in the words of Shania Twain, “that don’t impress me much“.

Likewise, when Dundee fan Stuart Batchelor tries to sway me with the argument that Dundee are “the oldest team in the city”, I can’t bring myself to care.

Older doesn’t mean better, unless you’re talking about whisky or cheese.

Slow and steady, or fast and flashy?

However, Stuart gets my attention back when he points out Dundee are the team “on the up”.

“United are exciting in a rollercoaster kind of way, up and down,” he says.

“We’ve been steadily building up, laying foundations for a great future.”

This is the perfect argument to sweet-talk an almost-30-year-old millennial woman. I am tired of rollercoasters.

If I’m going to give a team my heart, I want some stability.

But then another interviewee, Paul Cosgrove, tells me United are the team “with style and flair”.

Now this, I can get on board with. I like a bit of flair, I’m all for a pinch of pizzazz and some bold fashion choices.

The eye-watering tangerine of the United uniform does appeal to me in its brashness, and the general cockiness of the crowd is pretty seductive.

But then I get talking to Dundee fan Paul in his pork-pie hat, and he is one cool-looking dude.

He tells me that Dundee is resilient, that it’s been through hard times financially and “always comes back fighting”.

And flat-cap-clad granddad George Dorward takes care to explain to me that “quality football comes down the Dundee side”.

I am a sucker for a scrappy underdog. This is no easy choice.

Finally, it’s programme seller John Wade who makes my mind up.

“Why should you be a Dundee fan?” he muses. “Well, because you’ll have a great time being one. It’s the friendliest bunch of people.”

I can’t argue with that. All night, everyone’s been lovely.

But despite the blaze of orange opposite, it’s when I’m in the Dark Blues stand that I feel the most warmth.

And then they went and won, didn’t they? Feels like fate. Plus I have loads of blue clothes already.

So I’ve decided, then. I’m a Dundee girl.