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Separating with respect: Myths versus reality in family law

How the right legal advice can ease the stress of divorce.

A man and woman shaking hands.
With the right legal advice divorces can be settled amicably to both parties' satisfaction.

In life there can be few more challenging experiences than divorce. The end of a relationship brings emotional turmoil while also throwing up significant practical hurdles.

On top of that, there is the stress of how all this will affect any children involved. Studies have shown separation can have long-lasting impacts on younger people if not handled sensitively.

However, one unnecessary strain is the widespread belief that divorce in Scotland is invariably complex, prohibitively expensive, and almost always results in a court battle.

While it’s true that bitter custody battles and ever escalating conflicts make for great TV, the reality of the situation is very different. The right legal advice can in fact smooth the process and deliver a satisfactory outcome for all parties.

As Clair Cranston, senior associate in family law at Lindsays, explains: “The perception that involving solicitors inevitably leads to more conflict is just not accurate. In truth, a goal-based approach and clear communication from the outset can help reduce stress for everyone involved.”

Here, we explore some of the common myths surrounding divorce proceedings in Scotland and the truths that can help demystify the process.

Myth 1: Divorce always leads to a bitter court battle

Gavel being struck.
Most divorce cases do not in fact end up being resolved in court.

Many people believe that contacting a solicitor automatically means gearing up for a courtroom showdown. Clair is quick to dispel this misconception. “The actual divorce itself must be granted by the court, but very few divorces involve contested court actions,” she explains. Most separations are resolved through mutual agreement, often formalised in a “minute of agreement”—a legally binding contract detailing the terms of the separation.

Even in cases where court actions are initiated, Clair notes that the vast majority are settled before reaching a full evidential hearing. “Coming to see a solicitor doesn’t mean you’ll be in court the next day. It’s highly unlikely unless there are specific reasons upon which we would advise such as the need for protective orders”

Myth 2: It’s cheaper and better to sort everything out yourself

While some aspects of separation, such as agreeing on child handovers or dividing household items can often be resolved between the parties, other issues benefit from early legal advice. For example, Clair highlights the importance of agreements for cohabiting couples who purchase property together. “Getting a cohabitation agreement at the outset can prevent costly and stressful disputes later if the relationship ends,” she advises.

Similarly, an initial meeting with a solicitor can provide clarity on legal rights and obligations, potentially avoiding significant misunderstandings down the line.

Clair adds: “It’s always best to get early advice.”

Myth 3: Divorce means every item is split 50/50

Another common misconception is that all individual assets must be divided equally, regardless of circumstances. In reality, Scottish law aims for a fair distribution of matrimonial property, which can take various factors into account and looks at the matrimonial property as a whole.

Clair explains: “While a 50/50 split is common, it’s not always appropriate and doesn’t mean the split of each asset or debt. For example, if one parent has the primary responsibility for children, the division may reflect that.”

Matrimonial property generally includes assets acquired during the marriage, such as homes, savings, and pensions. However, exceptions can exist in family in Scotland for items like inheritances or gifts received by one spouse. Clair points out that public sector pensions can sometimes be more valuable than private ones, which may influence the final settlement.

Myth 4: Childcare arrangements must be rigidly 50/50

The idea that childcare must always be equally shared is another myth Clair encounters frequently.

Scottish law prioritises the best interests of the child, which can lead to flexible arrangements based on family circumstances.

Clair says: “For example, if one parent is a shift worker or if the child has additional support needs, the arrangements will reflect those factors.”

Mediation is often a helpful tool in working out arrangements. Clair emphasises that parents should remain open to revisiting agreements as circumstances change.

“You’re not going to be able to plan every day of your child’s life until they’re 16,” she notes. “Flexibility and ongoing communication are key.”

Myth 5: Social media has no impact on divorce proceedings

Social media is an increasingly common factor in family law disputes in Scotland. Clair warns that anything posted online can be used as evidence in court if necessary. “Disrespectful dialogue or disputes made public on social media can escalate tensions and make resolution harder,” she says.

Additionally, disputes over posting children’s photos online are becoming more frequent. Clair advises having these discussions privately and respectfully to avoid unnecessary conflict.

The importance of professional guidance

Clair Cranson, an expert on family in Scotland
Clair Cranston is a senior associate at Lindsays and an expert on in family law in Scotland.

Throughout the process, Clair and her colleagues at Lindsays focus on providing clarity and productive solutions.

“Our goal is to help clients navigate difficult circumstances with respect and to minimise stress for all parties involved,” she explains. This includes signposting clients to resources such as mediation services and trauma-informed counselling where appropriate.

Lindsays brings a wealth of experience in family law in Scotland, offering expertise in a wide range of matters, from cohabitation agreements to child custody arrangements. Their approach prioritises fairness, respect, and practical solutions, ensuring that clients feel supported every step of the way.

As Clair says: “Separation doesn’t have to be as unpleasant or complicated as people think. With the right advice, it’s possible to move forward in a way that’s constructive and fair.”


For more on family in Scotland, visit Lindsays’ website, where you will also find contact details for Clair.

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