Kristijan Trapanovski has candidly discussed the crisis of confidence that saw the Macedonian winger doubt whether he could make the grade at Dundee United.
Trapanovski, 25, has endured two hamstring injuries this term and concedes that he struggled for confidence and form after returning from the second of those setbacks.
The former Slavia Prague and FK Shkupi man admits he felt “invisible” following a series of uninspiring showing in training and during games in January, causing him to ask some searching questions.
But following a period of self-reflection – replying upon his faith and mental strength – Trapanovski now feels ready to tackle the run-in.
He said: “I got injured and, after that, I wasn’t the same. I know that.
“After my second injury, I knew I had to do something because I haven’t been as strong as I was when I first came here. I didn’t have the same confidence to run at defenders. I knew I had to get that back again.
“Last month, there were ups and downs. After two or three games, I had been invisible. I was so angry at myself. I knew I was not that guy.
“It was so bad – like I forgot how to play football. I said, “Trapa, what are you doing? This is not you.” For around a month, it was hard to get confidence. I was thinking that maybe I’m not good enough to be here.
“But that period has passed, which is normal. These things have changed.
“I dealt with those feelings myself. If I talk to someone, they will never understand my feelings and what football means to me. I just took some space alone to think and figure out what I was doing wrong; what I could do better.
“I am a big believer in God, so I have the Bible, a little bit of meditation and prayer.”
He added: “I spoke with the gaffer, and I think I am in very good shape. What you could call the “old Trapa” is back. I am looking forward to the next 13 games and I want to keep improving.”
‘You need to hit the gym’
While happy to open up on the psychological aspect of his game, Trapanovski has also been putting in the hours to bulk up and reach his physical peak.
He readily concedes that the rough and tumble of Scottish football, allied with the defensive work demanded from attacking players, has been eye-opening after being allowed to focus almost solely on creative endeavours in Macedonia.
“In the last game against Celtic, I had a duel with Cameron Carter-Vickers and he pushed me off the ball,” he recalled. “It was a 50/50 race, and I got past him – but he just put his hands on me and got me out of the way.
“After the game, I came away saying “Trapa, you need to hit the gym!”
“I’ve been doing extra gym sessions over the last month; a lot of power exercises like squats, jumps and exercises for my hamstrings.
“I have put some weight on and feel good. My tests have improved. I did 9.7m per second the other day, which is 34.9km per hour.
“My top speed (this season) was 35.7km per hour in the game against Rangers and I think I am getting up to 98% of that now. It was only 93% before, so it’s working.”
He added: “I don’t want it to sound arrogant, but I know I have the talent that some other players don’t have. But in the physical part, I have been missing some things. I want to improve and get better.”
‘Crazy’ Celtic showing
Tests don’t come much tougher for “the old Trapa” and his United teammates than a trip to Celtic Park, particularly following a run of five defeats in six games.
And Trapanovski reckons the scale of the task was emphasised when watching the Hoops run Bayern Munich close in midweek.
“I watched the match against Bayern,” he continued. “I was surprised; they were really good. If you can put Bayern under pressure for 30 minutes – making them put everyone back in the box – then it is crazy.
“We have a hard game on Saturday – maybe the hardest of them all – but we want to give our maximum and try to get back to winning ways.”
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