As someone who has played for Forfar, Livingston and now Arbroath, Danny Denholm knows the football scene below the Premiership inside out.
Now, he has lifted the lid on the mad, bad and dangerous to know characters, the inner workings of a part-time dressing-room and all manner of on and off-field shenanigans in a revealing and frequently hilarious online blog called “Lower League Ramblings”.
The 27-year-old, who works full-time as a school teacher at Canmore Primary in Dunfermline, has been delighted with the reaction to his words of wisdom with things really taking off when he exposed the full and frank way his Arbroath boss, the legendary Dick Campbell, conducted contract negotiations.
However, Denholm admitted he was more than a little worried about the Gayfield gaffer’s reaction to what he had written.
Denholm said: “I like writing myself but no-one really speaks about the game from a lower-league level putting their proper opinions across.
“So I thought I would just have a go at it and see if anybody liked it.
“Luckily it has been quite popular and a few people seem to like it so I have kept it up and I am enjoying it so far.
“The reaction has mostly been positive. I can take criticism and it is quite good when you get a comment that maybe makes you think about things a bit deeper which you can then pop in the next time.”
He added: “The blog was getting viewed here and there but then I wrote one about contract negotiations and that took off. People at my work were even talking about it.
“I was a bit worried about it then I got a text from the gaffer saying he had read it and it was good but he finished the text with something much less complimentary!
“I just replied, ‘Cheers, gaffer. Sorry for taking the mick’. He came back with, ‘Don’t be sorry. If there was anything sinister in it, I would have you by the throat’, and he probably would!
“So I have to be careful and I am walking on eggshells when I am talking about the gaffer.”
A recurring theme and a regular target in Denholm’s blogs is his friend and the manager’s son Iain “Yano” Campbell.
He never misses a chance to have a pop at the Montrose player – despite the fact that they will be in opposition in League 1 this season.
Denholm added: “No, I’m not worried. To be honest, he is horrible to me anyway.
“It is worse when he is on the pitch. He just grabs me and punches me!
“He is my mate and he knows all the tricks but he has taken the blog well.
“But every week I am going to keep at him – that’s my unique selling point, to go straight for Yano. The readers seem to like it so I will keep it up.”
Another target Denholm takes aim at are goalies with one exception – a certain Robert Douglas.
The former Celtic, Dundee and Scotland keeper has been helping out with coaching at Arbroath and the pair also played together at Forfar with Denholm admitting he will only ever have nice things to say about the big man.
He said: “I don’t think I will ever say anything negative about Rab – it’s not that I even think anything negative about him – but he would have his big shovel hands around my neck when it comes to training if I did!
“No seriously, he is a great guy.
“I am actually hamming it up half the time in the blog.
“I really don’t have a problem with keepers, there is just a popular line in football that nobody likes them but we do really.
“And I would certainly never say that to Rab as he is a great boy.”
While Denholm will never cross a line with the likes of Douglas or his manager, he is also fully aware that there is a lot more he has seen and heard in the game which cannot be used in his blogs.
He said: “It does cross your mind and there are some things I won’t say and I will never write about.
“When I do mention specific players, I will message them beforehand and say what I am intending on putting out.
“I ask them to give me their blessing otherwise I will just scrap it.
“I will certainly never throw someone under a bus.
“I also won’t go too deep on certain issues as I know there is a time and a place.
“I am a teacher and there are things that go on in a changing-room that the world doesn’t need to know about!”
While there is a lot of humour in the blogs, Denholm is keen to put across just how difficult it can be combining part-time football with a full-time job.
He said: “It is tough. I am a teacher and other lads do different types of jobs.
“We all work during the day and then have to go to training after that.
“Listen, I love playing football but it is tiring combining the two of them.
“But playing helps keep you fit and clears the head from the day job.”
As for the other job with Arbroath, Denholm is hoping they can build on what they achieved last season when the new campaign kicks off.
The Red Lichties made it all the way to the Championship promotion play-offs but narrowly lost out to Dumbarton with Denholm determined to go one better now.
He added: “We had just come up from League 2 last season but the gaffer is an ambitious guy with a winning mentality so nothing but first is good enough for him.
“So we were going for that league title but overall you have to say we had a good season getting into the play-offs.
“Individually I started well and got into double figures and I was happy with that.
“But the last few months of the season, I didn’t play as much as I would have liked and I didn’t contribute as much.
“So next season I will be looking to play a bit more and score a few more goals.”
Here are some highlights from the blog:
First professional contract negotiations with Dick Campbell (edited for a family newspaper).
Denholm: “Hi Dick.”
Campbell: “Who’s Dick – its gaffer to you! Have you made up yer mind?”
Denholm: “Oh, sorry gaffer . . . erm I was wondering if I could have a bit more money (sounding like Oliver Twist).”
Campbell: “How many professional games you played son?”
Denholm: “None.”
Campbell: “AND YOU THINK YOU’VE EARNED A RIGHT TO AN OPINION! That’s the deal – take it or you can get yersel away!”
Big personalities and madmen: Iain “Yano” Campbell.
A good friend of mine but I think it’s fair to call him a madman. It should come as no shock that he is the gaffer’s laddie and he shares several of the same personality traits.
As a previous member of my car school, when he was in a certain mood, he would wrestle the other members of the car school from the whole way up from Fife to Forfar.
He is 30 plus and has the mind of a 12-year-old. Occasionally, I would drive up myself and hear a honk from a passing car. I would look to my right and there would be a large hairy backside hanging out the window.
Christmas weekend away with the team.
The Sunday is a special day. Some teams go big on the fancy-dress element and other teams keep it simple with a Christmas jumper feel.
Early doors you will see a few casualties who hit it too hard the previous night.
Occasionally these lads will phone up their girlfriends to come pick them up or get the next train home – fair to say they have had an absolute shocker and will get it in the ear come training.
Part-time dressing-room.
My team-mate’s jobs have varied from normal trades such as electricians and plumbers to the more unique ones such as pest control. In the case of the latter, I have even seen this teammate bring in dead rodents and hide them in the young player’s trainers.
And finally . . . a word from Dick Campbell himself.
The manager said: “You see Denholm doing all this blogging now and I think it is funny!
“But when the day comes that it is not funny, his feet won’t touch the ground.”
Danny’s blog can be found at:
https://thelowerleagueconnoisseur.com/
