Heartbreak upon heartbreak.
Agony upon agony.
The Murray Davidson cup story has had a vice-like grip on his emotions for seven years and, right up until its joyous conclusion, refused to let go.
That he was the man who missed out on not one but two St Johnstone finals (and wins) would have been more than enough to play on the midfielder’s mind in the build-up to Saturday’s clash with Hibs at Hampden Park.
Throwing in a period of self-isolation during the McDiarmid Park Covid-19 crisis and the dark cloud of a possible positive test to follow was a fresh layer of mental cruelty.
Davidson, who had told his friends and family not to get in touch with him in the aftermath of the Betfred Cup final which injury kept him out of, was back at the point where he couldn’t bear to look at his phone.
The prospect of missing out once more was too tortuous to confront.
“What a feeling.”
Murray Davidson reflects on @StJohnstone’s Scottish Cup Final victory over Hibs.#ScottishCupFinal pic.twitter.com/jNJGvjRNsu
— Scottish Cup (@ScottishCup) May 22, 2021
“Probably the most nervous I’ve ever been was the last Covid test we did because I knew it was the last one before the final,” he said. “The manager put on the group chat ‘all tests negative’ and what a relief that was.
“That was Wednesday or Thursday. I just remember looking at my phone because I knew if I’d seen the manager or Mel the physio phoning, like she did the week before saying I had to self-isolate, I knew it wouldn’t be good news.
“At times I was taking my phone, putting it away and going back an hour later and being scared to look at it. So when we got that text I think everyone was the same, everyone was relieved.
“I didn’t want anyone to miss a big game because I know how it feels. I’m so happy we had a full squad for the final and if there ever is a good time to get Covid we probably got it at the best time. I’m so happy.”
The ‘please, could I just get a break’ thought did cross his mind a few times.
“Pretty much,” he said. “I was gutted to miss the semi-final because I’d done three tests in four days and every one of them was negative but for some reason the government decided I was the one who had to self-isolate.
“A lot of people were saying I am the unluckiest person ever. But everything I’ve been through personally, trust me, this makes up for it.
“I was gutted to miss the last cup final but I am so, so happy today not just for myself. I feel like at times I’ve been jinxed.
“The last 10 days, honestly, I’ve not left my house. I didn’t want to see anyone.
“I’ve done everything. I‘ve been washing my hands 20 times a day. Everything you can name, I was doing it. Because I thought knowing my luck I’ll get Covid.”
Davidson, third on the St Johnstone all-time appearance list, added: “It’s been a long wait but this makes it worth it.
“I’ve been so desperate to get back here ever since 2014 and as years went by I thought it wasn’t going to happen.
“When the League Cup came along and I missed that, I thought that was my last chance.
“I’m just more happy for my friends, and especially my family, because they’ve been my biggest supporters. They’ve travelled with me all over the country since I was 10-years-old, sometimes three times a week, and I am so happy for them.
“They are all in my local pub – the Toll Bar in Innerleithen in the Scottish borders- enjoying themselves. It’s all decked out with flags. I am delighted for myself and my team-mates, but I’m so, so happy for my mum (Liz) and dad (Ronnie) especially. It means a lot to them.”
This was no token gesture substitute appearance to get Davidson on the pitch.
For starters, his manager doesn’t do sentiment in the middle of a game still in the balance.
Craig Bryson justified his selection with a tempo-dictating first-half performance but he was tiring and Hibs were starting to get some joy running off him.
It was a situation made for Davidson, whose contribution of winning headers, breaking up play and starting pressure-relieving counter-attacks was invaluable to the victory.
“I remember looking at the big screen and it said 65 minutes gone and I was thinking that it could be a long 25 minutes,” he said.
“Then we got the penalty and I thought if we’d scored we were pretty much there. But, of course, we don’t make it easy for ourselves.
“We knew Hibs would have pressure and they had four or five big boys up top at the end and you are always wary because if they scored – especially after we missed the penalty – they’d have the momentum.
“But I thought our defence – the back three and two wing-backs – like they have been since December, were outstanding.
“Jamie McCart, Liam Gordon and Jason Kerr – I don’t know why none of them have been mentioned for Scotland. All three have been incredible with Zander (Clark) behind them. They’ve given us a platform.
“Defensively we are so sound and we know if we get a goal, there’s a good chance that we’ll hold on to it.”
The moment the full-time whistle blew and @StJohnstone sealed an incredible Cup double.#ScottishCupFinal pic.twitter.com/uuR3bTIKMG
— Scottish Cup (@ScottishCup) May 22, 2021
Davidson was in no mood to subscribe to destiny theories in 2014 or this February. He’s a believer now, though.
“I was watching the Rangers game and I had sort of given up because we lost the goal so late and I thought that was us out,” he said.
“I was in shock when Zander went up and we scored from the corner. I’m usually quite negative but when it went to penalties I thought ‘this is meant to be’.
“Again, watching, I had had every confidence in the semi-final and the manager said before the final he had every faith in us that we were going to win the cup.
“Even away to Dundee the round before the Rangers game, big Zander saving a penalty, you look back and everything happens for a reason.
“I don’t know what it is but someone’s been looking down on us and it’s brilliant.”
