Oh, Ally.
Where were you when we really needed you?
For once, even John Hartson would have done.
Someone, anyone, who had a slight grasp of Scottish football or the inclination and professionalism to do a bit of homework.
Unfortunately Morocco v Canada was televised on the BBC so neither ITV’s finest, Ally McCoist, nor the next best thing (sorry John, it’s not even a close contest) were a commentary box option for David Wotherspoon’s 20 minutes of history-making World Cup fame.
Like an injured or suspended player who misses a 5-0 defeat and sees his reputation enhanced on the back of having sat in the stand, those 20 minutes of Robyn Cowen and Martin Keown captured why McCoist is adored by the football-viewing public and others are the palest of imitations.
OK, maybe it would have been a bit much to expect the BBC duo to have studied the subtleties of the Spoony Chop and its many victims.
It did look familiar…#SJFC | @Spoony_10 pic.twitter.com/FLaXUldDNH
— St. Johnstone FC (@StJohnstone) December 1, 2022
But not so much as a mention of the country of his birth?
The club he plays for?
The significance to that club of his 76th minute substitute introduction?
The unimaginable cup double he inspired?
The comeback journey to get to Qatar?
Nothing. No context, no back-story, no colour.
BBC blandness
Both Cowen and Keown were as guilty as each other for the blandness they brought to their job on Thursday afternoon but the latter’s son even played with Wotherspoon at McDiarmid Park (2019 Scottish Cup tie, 5-0 Celtic, Scott Sinclair hat-trick, Niall came on for the last half-hour, in case you were wondering).
Though it’s implausible to suggest an English lower league player wouldn’t have got the condensed history of his career put before the watching millions (there would have been a 10-minute half-time interview with their answer to Alex Gogic) this isn’t actually a ‘Scotland-England’ thing.
It’s a ‘don’t be lazy, show us a bit of enthusiasm and sound like you’re actually enjoying this World Cup’ thing.
It’s not about the BBC either.
Later that evening on the other channel, Graeme Souness’ grumpy old man act sucked the excitement out of the most dramatic and gripping conclusion to a World Cup group.
Only room for one panto baddie
Roy Keane has got the panto misery-guts routine boxed off. Nobody else can come close.
Love how no matter what team it is, if they’re playing badly Roy Keane takes it personally and is absolutely fuming. pic.twitter.com/2QTsghoZIL
— Jay Motty (@JayMotty) November 26, 2022
We know this is as controversial a tournament as there has ever been and we know why.
But to all the presenters, commentators, co-commentators and pundits tasked with bringing a bit of winter football joy into our lives – be more like Ally, please.
Give us some reflected excitement, gives us some local history that will go in one ear and out the other but make us smile.
And please, when there’s another story like David Wotherspoon’s, please give us the name of his club.
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