‘From the Book of the Brain-Dead’: the oddest customer queries at Groucho’s in Dundee

There is a cliche of the grumpy record store assistant sneering at the choices of their customers.

But staff at legendary Dundee record store Groucho’s face the occasional query that really would test the patience of a saint.

The store’s “Book of the Brain-Dead” contains a host of priceless gems, ranging from difficulties with basic arithmetic to customers trying to use a cigarette packet as proof of age.

We have picked out a few of our favourites below while more can be read online here.

Customer on the phone: Hi, could you tell me how to get to Aberdeen? Shop assistant: What? C: I’m in the Hilltown. S: I dunno, take a right, find the Kingsway and the Forfar Road. C: Thanks, doll.

S: What’s your surname? C: White S: With a Y or an I? C: Just WH

C: Do you sell tickets for the Playhouse ? S: Who for? C: For myself…oh…I mean Evita.

C: Have you any Steve Miller CDs? I’ve tried the shop in the high street but they’ve only got one that’s a copulation of his stuff.

S: Do you have any ID that says you’re over 16? C: No, but I’ve got a fag packet.