A Tayside man says he has often wished he had died in a crash that left him with 37 broken bones.
Cameron Halsall has no memory of the accident in which his car flipped and hit a house.
“I have no memory of the morning it happened or the resulting few days,” he said. “I am bothered by this but can’t decide if it’s a blessing or not.
“I have often wished I had died in the crash. The emotional and physical demands on me have been huge.
“The guilt I’ve felt that my family and friends and girlfriend are stuck with this and have to deal with it and me is the biggest reason I have wished I’d died.
“That and the loss of a life I genuinely loved a great and fulfilling job and good social life, great friends, beautiful girlfriend, the world was at my feet.
“Those feelings come back time and again. I think they always will.”
The former Montrose Academy teacher had been travelling to work in Stonehaven when his Renault Clio struck a house.
Cameron, from Montrose, had only started at Mackie Academy and Mill o’ Forest Primary School three weeks before the collision on August 29.
The 32-year-old was left with dozens of broken bones and multiple fractures to his back, neck and spine, and significant damage to his spinal cord.
Following initial treatment at Aberdeen Royal Infirmary he was transferred to a special spinal unit in Glasgow where he remains on enforced bed rest.
Originally from Mochdrum in Wigtownshire, Cameron was granted a day pass out to his girlfriend Marie-Clare’s mum’s house on Thursday to spend Christmas Day with her and her family.
He was put in a body brace during his recovery to allow him to get up in a wheelchair and practise being in it without his spine and neck falling in on itself.
Cameron said Marie-Clare has been his biggest support as he battles back to health.
“I didn’t deal with my crash well and pushed people who were closest to me away and I regret it intensely,” he said.
“My girlfriend obviously knew I was feeling this way.
“I have been told I’m lucky to be alive, and we had spoken of toasting that fact.
“She managed to organise a birthday party to surprise me, bringing a lot of my friends that I had pushed away up from Stranraer and down from Montrose. I had no clue and it was hugely moving and humbling.”
Cameron is likely to be wheelchair-bound and the next few months will be spent learning new skills and relearning old skills to help him achieve independence.
He said: “It’s a long road. I am incredibly blessed that I have people around me that have such faith in me to make it and who are there to help me make it.
“I was in danger of making my position completely isolated and alone.
“I’m no longer in that danger. I realise I never was.”