A young Tayside man has told how his battle with depression led to him trying to take his own life.
Ben Lawrie has now bravely decided to go public on his own struggles in a bid to end the cruel stigma around mental health.
The 20-year-old spoke out after being left upset by the media coverage of Andreas Lubitz, the Germanwings co-pilot believed to have deliberately guided Flight 4U9525 into the Alps, killing all 150 on board.
The ex-Monifieth High School pupil said it was particularly difficult to tell his story, knowing his family and friends would read it and many of them may not have known of his depression.
Student Ben said he struggled with depression while studying social sciences at Dundee College, despite doing really well in his coursework and being in a happy relationship.
“Contrary to what you might believe, depression isn’t just feeling sad,” he said. “It’s hard to understand depression if you’ve never experienced it yourself. It’s like trying to imagine a colour you’ve never seen before, but we need to make an effort to empathise with people suffering from mental illness.
“It can be just as hard for them to put it into words as they often don’t quite understand it themselves.”
Ben tried to take his own life in 2013 with an overdose of strong painkillers but woke up the next morning feeling very ill.
“I spent the rest of the day violently vomiting but managed to convince my family it was just a bug,” he said.
“They believed this until a few weeks later when I finally admitted what happened to my parents.”
Ben, a member of the Lib Dems in Angus and the Mearns, was referred to a psychiatrist in Arbroath but initially refused anti-depressants and insisted on a therapy-based approach. He eventually felt frustrated by the whole system, accepted the medication and told the psychiatrist he felt “perfect” to avoid travelling from Monifieth to Arbroath once every four months.
“After reluctantly taking the medication, I found that it did help to ease my anxiety and panic attacks but it did not help with my depression. It also seemed to fog my mind.
“Basically, we really need to look at the treatment of mental health issues in our healthcare system, as, in my experience, it’s not nearly good enough.”
Ben came off the medication recently but admitted that while depression is still a problem, he has managed to find some meaning in his life which has helped him cope.
“I’m studying psychology at St Andrews University with an aim of eventually becoming a psychotherapist,” he said.
“I plan to use my experiences of depression to help me in supporting those going through similar problems.”