Alf Mowat surrounds himself with reminders of his beloved Josie to try to block out his final heartbreaking image of her.
He goes to bed when he thinks he can sleep but wakes up every morning to realise afresh that his wife of over 40 years is ”gone forever.”
Josie, a mum of three and grandmother of seven, died after falling 30ft from a window at Queen Margaret Hospital, Dunfermline, last November.
While the former art teacher firmly believes the events of that tragic night are a matter for the ongoing police investigation to uncover, he has opened his heart to The Courier to talk about the void at the centre of his close-knit family.
He spoke of his at times overwhelming feelings of guilt that he did not bring his popular and fun-loving wife back to their cosy Cardenden home.
For Josie and Alf, who were married in 1968 after meeting in Pitlochry, life surrounded by family, friends and colleagues was a happy one. They had recently returned to Alf’s native Fife after living for many years in England. Taking early retirement, and knowing house prices were much lower in this part of the world, they opted for Cardenden four years ago.
Although leaving behind their family was a wrench, they knew there would be daily phone calls, regular visits and a chance to explore all the attractions on their new doorstep as a couple and with family members joining in. They delighted in ”small pleasures” and were pleased when Josie turned 60 and received her bus pass.
As the driver in the house, she was looking forward to many days out with Alf, exploring the country without having to take the wheel. That has all gone. As Alf said: ”I can’t envisage myself taking such advantage since these activities are to be shared with a loved one.”
Josie’s last year before her shocking death was marred by ill health, said Alf, and at New Year 2010 she had to be rushed to hospital. She recovered well, only to begin experiencing bouts of tremendous pain.
”She would take sometimes an hour to get from bed to the toilet and back again and it was terrible to see so much suffering,” said Alf.
Josie had numerous tests and was finally told she had bowel cancer. Far from being rocked by the devastating diagnosis, however, she was grateful she finally knew what was wrong and that treatment was available.
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Josie, well known in racing greyhound training and breeding circles, was admitted to Queen Margaret for her operation. Alf said they were over the moon to be told the surgery was thought to have been ”99.9% successful.”
While in the high-dependency unit, she was happy to be over a lengthy procedure and looking forward to getting back home.
”She was in a positive frame of mind,” he said.
However, after she was moved to another ward during visiting hours, Alf was concerned about her emotional wellbeing, saying she was anxious and unhappy and asking him to take her home.
That was to be the last time Alf saw his beloved wife. He received a call early the next day to say she had had a fall.
Sadly Josie succumbed to her terrible injuries sustained in the fall from an upper window, leaving a huge loss at the centre of the family and Alf unable to forgive himself for not taking her home.
”I can’t begin to describe how devastated Josie’s beloved grandchildren are with her passing, nor the irreplaceable void it has left in their young lives.”
Writing to each of their grandchildren who range in age from four to 18 he tried to bring comfort, assuring them their nan would watch over them still.
”I advised them not to keep looking for a reason as to why their nan had been taken from them, that no one knows, but to try to take some comfort from the wonderful times they spent with her.
”The poor things can’t help but feel angry and cheated,” he said.
Alf wants the investigation into what happened in Josie’s final hours to be completed ”however long it takes” just as long as the family including children Karen, David and Richard finally find out the truth and that, if there are lessons to be learned, they will be.
Karen added: ”Nothing can bring my mum back and I would like to say my hope no, my wish would be that my mum did not die in vain.”