You can buy her, you can buy her. This one’s here, this one’s here, this one’s here and this one’s here.
Everything’s for sale.
So begins the Manic Street Preachers’ magnificent album The Holy Bible.
Perhaps it’s because I’m starting to get excited about going to see the band perform it in full at the end of next month but the words seemed to resonate with how our political parties are behaving with an election looming.
“Look! Here’s extra money for the health service!” “Now, over here! We’ll cut your taxes! Or at least not raise them!” “Cuts? You mean savings and don’t worry, we’ll do it humanely.”
There’s nothing new about parties trying to put cash values on our votes but it is a fascinating practice when, I reckon, most people see through it.
We’ve lived through austerity. It has hit lots of people hard. In many cases it has been the most vulnerable who have felt the brunt of the pain.
That’s not good but, unless you’re a complete fantasist, the reality of requiring a reduction of the country’s debt is something that can be agreed on.
Both the Conservatives and Liberal Democrats stressed the need to tighten belts over the past five years. Now, they realise much of what they’ve done is unpopular and the Tories, in particular, make a swift image change to become the “party of working people” and throw cash promises around like they’re going out of fashion.
Meanwhile, Labour insists everything it promises is fully costed then eats itself as Scottish leader Jim Murphy claims there’s no need for cuts in Scotland as shadow Chancellor Ed Balls and shadow Business Secretary Chukka Umunna slap him down and say they are definitely coming.
Meanwhile, the SNP want to increase borrowing to avoid austerity and reduce the deficit over a longer time period. It’s an interesting idea but leaves the obvious worry of adding to the credit card bill to make payments more manageable.
Bumping up debt so the monthly repayments don’t look so scary can be a risky strategy.
As one of the tightest elections the UK has faced, each and every party is ultra-competitive when it comes to vote grabbing.
Treat them all with caution.
* ELECTIONS THROW up all sorts of odd moments. Like the Polish prince from London who has challenged Ukip leader Nigel Farage to an 18th Century-style duel in Hyde Park.
Janek Zylinski, the aristocratic son of cavalry officer Captain Andrzej Zylinski, who led a victorious charge against the Nazis in Kaluszyn, near Warsaw, in 1939, helping save 6,000 Jews, said he has “had enough of the discrimination against Polish people in this country”.
It would seem Mr Farage has yet to respond to the challenge. Can’t imagine why.
* POLITICIANS DO love to make sure they are wearing the right colours during election campaigns. Just watch out for the number of red/blue/yellow ties which will adorn candidates over the coming weeks.
However, a local Labour candidate’s attire has become famous on the internet.
Melanie Ward, who is standing in Glenrothes, is often seen wearing a red overcoat, which has been given its own Twitter profile.
* THE SCOTTISH Conservatives launched their manifesto this week but with Prime Minister David Cameron in attendance, security was tight.
Wristbands were issued to all journalists in attendance.
These were no ordinary wristbands, though. They were super-strong wristbands.
As STV political correspondent Claire Stewart vented her frustration at the apparently unbreakable creations, The Herald’s political editor Magnus Gardham suggested the most obvious solution: “Call the fire brigade?”
Thankfully, all were eventually freed and no journalists were harmed.
* NEVER ONE to miss a chance to comment on what’s going on in the world just now, Scottish Labour leader Jim Murphy opened up about music this week.
He said: “As vinyl charts relaunch I regret throwing my records out and remember first single bought ‘Turning Japanese’ by the Vapors.”
At least it’s pretty unlikely he’ll suffer the same fate as David Cameron, who was “banned” by Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr from listening to his former band after the PM revealed they were his favourite act.