You’ve been up the jungle without modern communications since last September, so you’ll want to know, in prcis, how the Scotland international rugby team have been doing in your absence. Here goes…
* We’re on our third coach in nine months. Andy Robinson is gone, Scott Johnson is currently interim head coach, which won’t surprise you, but it will surprise you that our actual new coach, Vern Cotter, can’t take up the post until this time next year. Probably. It’s complicated, as they say on Facebook.
* Scotland lost to both Tonga and Samoa for the first time. The second one we saw coming, the first was a bit of a shock and did for Robbo. However they beat Ireland with 25 per cent of possession and territory (or something like that). They still haven’t shut up, though.
* Johnno’s capped almost a whole team of new boys, 14 in all, since becoming interim head coach, in sharp contrast to Robbo’s conservative approach. All of them have done pretty well. Particularly
* Remember that Sean Maitland guy there were mutterings about last summer? He’s really good. In fact so good he’s already a British Lion. Yes, just six months after leaving New Zealand. In fact Scotland now have the best attacking back three in Europe. No, I’m not making this up. They scored four tries, all by backs, against Italy. Seriously. Not kidding.
* Stuart Hogg’s kind of the star player now. Yes, the Hawick lad with the spots. Mark Bennett, that guy from the Under-20s you thought was better than him, is back from France and it won’t be long until he’s in the international team. Matt Scott has blossomed like we hoped he would and looks like a modern-day Alan Tait.
* Greeg’s playing at 9. No, we didn’t find an automatic pick for 10 yet, but at least he’s playing in his proper position. And kicking goals like Chris Paterson never retired.
* Richie Gray is away from Sale already, which won’t shock you. He’s been on the Lions tour, which won’t shock you either. But he’s tailed off in form, and has been pretty subdued, for club, country and for the Lions.
* Remember Sean Lamont saying that he’d never retire and they’d have to cart him off to the knacker’s yard before he stopped playing for Scotland? He may actually have been serious. He’s had an excellent season.
* Peter Horne is not a journeyman player, he’s just a really, really unlucky one. He was supposed to get his first cap against England and broke a thumb. Then he finally got in the team, was run over by a runaway Tuilagi, did his ACL and is now out for nine months.
* Remember Ryan Grant, who was run out of Edinburgh by Robbo and almost gave up the game? He’s a Lion.
* We haven’t had a proper openside all season, because none of them are fit. Kelly’s been mucking in and filling in, which won’t stun you. Johnnie Beattie’s back in the team, which may.
* How are we going to do from here? I think we’re better than we were last September, and have the potential to get even better than that. But to be honest, the last nine months suggest that any prediction’s worse than a guess.