So here I am in Canada. What do I need?
Well, I have a big car I couldn’t possibly have afforded to run in the UK. I’m kitted out with a colourful jacket and a baseball cap. I’ve picked up a case of beer and I’m full of maple syrup. What else should I get?
I know: an accent.
After a few weeks in North America, some sort of mid-Atlantic accent starts to creep in. It’s very infectious and there is no avoiding it. Frankly, it’s right that we should try to fit in, and part of that is talking in a way we can be understood. I’m not going to walk into a grocery store and bellow: “Hoi, pal! Geez thon peh there cuz eh’m Hank bloody Marvin!” Actually, I might do that. It sounds like a laugh.
The first signs of a Canadian twang have already been detected. Our daughter, who is seven, was heard to address her mother as “Moh… um”. She’s going to school so we’re expecting her to adapt very quickly. Certainly, that’s what happened with my sister when she moved here as a youngster, years ago. No parent wants their child to stand out in the wrong way, especially in a new school, so we’re not going to say a word when our children’s accents change.
But in an adult it’s very different. There’s a pretentiousness in talking differently because there’s a perception, right or wrong, that we can control our accents. It’s hard to tell how much we’re changing if we’re not in Scotland and there are so many expatriate Scots in Canada that holding on to some element of Scottish speech is common. The scary thing, though, is that we may not realise how we have changed. In two words: Sheena Easton.
There’s a special schadenfreude in watching a Scottish celebrity lose their accent, then making nasty remarks about it. Bellshill-born Sheena became so famous internationally that she invented a new accent all of her own, then turned up on British TV and caused howls of laughter across Scotland. Film actor Gerard Butler’s going the same way, amusingly. Y’aaaaall.
Some actors seem to be able to switch back and forth. Hugh Laurie, once the quintessential Englishman, adopted an American accent for hospital drama House and now amazes North America when he’s interviewed in his own accent. But the famous need to avoid falling between two stools, like when Madonna started speaking a little bit English. Stop that. It’s silly.
There is, however, one place where the mid-Atlantic accent is played to perfection. Yes, I’m thinking of Chewin’ The Fat. In a great moment of TV comedy, the sketch “Will I Come Back and See You” centres on two Scottish-Canadians returning for the first time in 27 years, announcing in distinctly Canadian tones “I’m proud a one thing we’ve both still got wir accents!”
https://youtube.com/watch?v=gX_8knnjbbo%3Frel%3D0
The faux-documentary follows these poor saps around Glasgow, where they are horrified to find a chip shop pizza is “absolutely hoaching wi’ greeze” then try to order a caesar salad in the pub. They keep shaking hands with people and trying to be nice. Yup, that’s Canadians.
You know what? I think that’s going to be me. One day I’ll stand in South Street, Perth, and ask for directions to the drugstore. I’ll call people “buddy” and I’ll be shocked at the price of a tank of gas. I’ll complain about the terrible coffee but I always did that anyway.
But I’ll still be Scottish. Some things cannot be changed.
Hoots!