Take me to church.
So crooned Irish recording artist Hozier is his eponymous and seminal debut album anyway.
Could it be that the aforementioned star is concerned about falling congregation numbers within the Church of Scotland?
It seems entirely feasible.
And if indeed that is the case then he is by no means alone.
In Saturday’s Courier we reveal concerns serious concerns about falling congregations.
The situation is, according to one senior minister, simply unsustainable.
We find out more.
If news of falling attendances sends you spiralling into a slough of despond then fear not, we have the most perfect pick-me-up.
And that pick-me-up comes in the form of some simply smashing marmalade news.
That’s right folks, Dundee is in with a realistic chance of bringing home the coveted world yes WORLD marmalade championships.
We have a spread (guffaw) on the tale.
And on the subject of tasty treats, we also turn our attention to lollipops.
More specifically lollipop people.
More specifically still, this individual lollipop man.
His ban for high-fiving pupils has not gone down at all well with local crossing patrollers.
We know because we asked them.
Read all about it in Saturday’s bumper weekend edition.
If model boats are your thing then wave goodbye to your family and set sail for your local newsagent at first light.
That’s because we have details of some lovely, lovely models set to go under the hammer (figuratively speaking, I am delighted to report).
Meanwhile, if you like the gentle thwack of leather on willow you will be quite literally kicking yourself if you miss our quite wonderful Bowling Maidens Over blog.
Our man Andrew Liddle is a big fan of the gentle game which England gave to the world (shame the world wouldn’t give it back again). He manages to opine on the world cup through reference to everything from Bill Clinton to Aristotle.
He really is crying out for a job on test match special…
* Even those with the most voracious of appetites will find themselves sated on tucking into Saturday’s Courier. Please do snap up your copy. Failing that why not try our digital edition?